Losing my sister

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Losing my sister
Sun, 06-08-2003 - 4:55pm
My little sister is 15 and lives with our dad about 3 hours away. I rarly see her and miss her terribly. the problem is, my dad has a girlfriend and her daghter is 17 and lives a block away from my sister, she isnt a good example for Heather (my lil' sis) she does everything Crsyal does and they always get into trouble. Heather used to be so funny she was definently one of a kind with the most envied personality. However latly the past couple of times Iv seen her she is a totally different person. Its hard to expain. We used to be best friends, but now I feel like Im losing her to "her new best friend" Im sure I sound jelouse and I am! Ive told her how I feel and we had a heart to heart we cried, but shes coming down the end of this week and I know things arent going to be the way they used to. I feel like Iv lost my best friend and am losing my only sister to crystal. What can I do? Can any one help?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 12:00am
Wish we all had a magic potion to keep kids from growing up, but we don't. Sorry to say, your little sister isn't so little anymore. Sounds like she's just going through the normal mid-teen rebellion and peer-pressure dilemmas, and is showing normal 15yo behavior. She will get over it in a couple of years.

All you can do in the meantime is to BE THERE for her. Keep the lines of communication open, don't be judgemental or critical of her (unless she's in danger), and let her know you will always love her no matter what. Especially don't be critical of Cyrstal in a way that would make your sister feel she has to defend her friend. You can explain to her (in a non-judgmental way) what mistakes Crystal is making and hope she doesn't do the same things, and that you trust her (sis') good judgement and smarts to not make the same mistakes. Just be careful not to put her in a defensive position.

Meanwhile, be on the lookout for signs of drug or alcohol abuse or other dangerous patterns, and keep your Dad informed if you see any of these signs. I'm not suggesting that you be a tattle-tale, but if you have evidence and she's showing dangerous signs, then that's not tattling. You might be saving her life.

I know it's hard, but you have to let her make her own mistakes and learn from them (meanwhile praying that she doesn't do something really stupid and get badly hurt).

I'm sorry to say that things may never be the way they used to, but they might be better in a different way as she grows up.

Best of luck to you - and post back here to let us know how the visit goes.