Lying about having sex to my mother
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Lying about having sex to my mother
| Mon, 08-15-2011 - 1:04pm |
Hello everyone,
I am not sure if I am posting in the correct
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And I agree, I also believe that a long engagement would be best so that we can both get ourselves situated before taking on marriage.
Thank you for your advice :)
IMO you should not tell your mom that you have had sex. If she asks you outright you can politely respond "I thought you said that you didn't want me to tell you if I did or didn't, so why are you asking?"
I think that on some level your mother realizes that you are not a virgin. You've told her that you don't share her beliefs on premarital sex, you've had 2 long-term bfs, and she probably gets enough media input to hear that many young women don't wait until marriage. She's pretty much painted herself into a corner so to speak, by telling you that if you have premarital sex she will be disappointed in you and not see you the same (possibly meaning have a lower opinion of you). Those statements pretty much shut the door on honesty, because who wants to disappoint her mother or have her think poorly of her? Then she tells you that she doesn't want to know if you have sex. Yes she's in denial, that's her choice. Sometimes she wants you to refute what she suspects is true and so far you have (with lies). Since you're feeling so guilty about lying then you should stop answering her.
And you hit the nail on the head-- I dont want to tell her because I don't want to disappoint her. And it seems that as long as she holds on to her stance that "Premarital sex is bad" and that "I will be disappointed in you if you do it"...I just won't be able to be honest with her at all.
My bf is a bit flustered about the situation, given that we have been going on two years doing what we have been all along, being untruthful and getting away with it, and doing what we want. And now I am at the point where I think I should just stop everything altogether so that I won't have to lie to my mom. When I told him this he became a little frustrated because, like he says "You are an adult, and can make your own choices." Unfortunately he doesn't understand all that I go through because he has parents that understand that it is a normal part of life and relationships. He just doesn't seem to understand, and I can't really blame him.
>>One thing I left out in my initial post was that, I HAVE tried talking to my mother about my views on having premarital sex, and she refuses to listen. She tells me that she just doesn't want to know, and that if I WERE to have to have sex, she has instructed me not to tell her. So what am I to do?
Why do you feel a need to talk to your mother about your views on premarital sex?
You keep adding details...like her catching you off guard and asking you if you've had sex.
Ok so I get your confusion. she says she doesn't wan tto know but then flat out asks you.
I was also born in a very traditional Catholic family and since I was a teenager my mom scared me to death with her remarks about having sex before marriage. If I would have had sex before marriage or worst got pregnant. I´d rather commit suicide because for the rest of my life, I wouldn't´t
Very true! She is pretty much telling me to not be honest with her, so I suppose I can't tell her the truth even if I wanted to.
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