I am not sure if I am posting in the correct
IMO you should not tell your mom that you have had sex. If she asks you outright you can politely respond "I thought you said that you didn't want me to tell you if I did or didn't, so why are you asking?"
I think that on some level your mother realizes that you are not a virgin. You've told her that you don't share her beliefs on premarital sex, you've had 2 long-term bfs, and she probably gets enough media input to hear that many young women don't wait until marriage. She's pretty much painted herself into a corner so to speak, by telling you that if you have premarital sex she will be disappointed in you and not see you the same (possibly meaning have a lower opinion of you). Those statements pretty much shut the door on honesty, because who wants to disappoint her mother or have her think poorly of her? Then she tells you that she doesn't want to know if you have sex. Yes she's in denial, that's her choice. Sometimes she wants you to refute what she suspects is true and so far you have (with lies). Since you're feeling so guilty about lying then you should stop answering her.
>>One thing I left out in my initial post was that, I HAVE tried talking to my mother about my views on having premarital sex, and she refuses to listen. She tells me that she just doesn't want to know, and that if I WERE to have to have sex, she has instructed me not to tell her. So what am I to do?
Why do you feel a need to talk to your mother about your views on premarital sex?
You keep adding details...like her catching you off guard and asking you if you've had sex.
Ok so I get your confusion. she says she doesn't wan tto know but then flat out asks you.
I was also born in a very traditional Catholic family and since I was a teenager my mom scared me to death with her remarks about having sex before marriage. If I would have had sex before marriage or worst got pregnant. I´d rather commit suicide because for the rest of my life, I wouldn't´t