Married friend making snide comments

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
Married friend making snide comments
3
Tue, 07-24-2012 - 2:10pm

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My Myspace- www.myspace.com/gothikfaery My Artwork- http://darklingle
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 8:10pm

I can see you being upset that she comments that you should get married, but the rest of it just sounds like you're the one who has issues.  Believe it or not, marriage IS a very different relationship than living together and your friend and her husband are newlyweds, learning the ins and outs of this new phase in their lives.  Nope, she may not be handling the experience the way you think you would, but then she's NOT you! 

Why the heck do you CARE that she calls him "my husband"?  That's just nit picky.  He IS her husband, and I don't think her calling him that has ANYTHING to do with you!  I use lots of pet names for my husband (we've been happily married 43 years), my kids, my grandkids and even my dog...that's just what we DO and has nothing to do with anybody else.

As for the money thing...you seem quite judgmental about how they handle their money...even stating that YOU were "disgusted" because she calls their joint income "hers".  My husband literally handed me the checkbook as we were walking to the car after our wedding and said "it's YOUR problem now!"  He has written maybe 10 checks in the 4 decades+ we've been married and has only recently gotten a debit card so he can spend money from our joint account.  He carries cash he gets by asking me to get him cash from our joint account which HE calls his "allowance"!  My husband calls the money he earns MINE...that isn't some subversive mentality...he's even said he's a work-aholic and it's MY JOB to spend what he earns (though I handle the finances very well and don't overspend)!  It's nobody's business but ours!

You say she "holds all the power in their relationship" and that it's "not a glowing endorsement for marriage".  What business is it of YOURS who "holds the power" in their marriage?   Obviously he's chosen her to be his wife and has chosen to let her "hold the power".  Obviously her viewpoint that YOUR man should "commit" (aka marry you) doesn't hold water with you, so why is your viewpoint the "right" one and hers wrong?

I think you're taking things WAY too seriously.  Sure she may say things differently than you might, but for heaven's sake if such trivial things are going to get under your skin, I think you need to develop a thicker skin...especially since you have apparently chosen friends with more traditional livestyles than your own. 

I think the feeling judged is coming from your own psyche...to me, you seem to be the one doing most of the judging.  Relax and enjoy the friendship OR end it, but to get upset about such trivial things suggests (to me) that you're not really that happy with your life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 10:07pm
I don't blame you for deleting your post! Everything from accusations of you being with a married man to being unhappy with your life. Wow.

I agree with you that her remarks are jabs at you. And if you're unwilling to put up with her shallowness, it's not a problem with you. It's her.

Good luck. Sorry things went so bad for you on this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 07-27-2012 - 3:16am

Hi. I never meant to accuse the OP of anything.

I just asked a question.

Is a question an accusation?