maybe i really AM going insane??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
maybe i really AM going insane??
4
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 12:35am
right now im about ready to go postal..you know when you reach that point when if ONLY you could get your hands on a good shovel there'd be body parts of family members buried under the basement floor!!!..

let me set the stage...im 48, entirely too old for any type of parental influence..yet that does not stop my mother..

i was always the black sheep in the family..prefering music and books..to running afound....i was without a doubt a loner..

theres always been some sort of "resentment" towards me from my mother..i have no idea why..and it didnt just happen..its been apparent since i was a kid..

about 12 years ago the mother of a very dear childhood friend, died..and while attending her funeral, my friend said she didnt know how i ever survived considering the way my parents(more mom) treated me..i found myself envying her , even though she had lost her mother at least for many years she had that bonding.

my ex walked out the day our son was born(son is now 27)..and there was not been a bit of contact with his father since he was 2 1/2 months old..out of sight ..out of mind..

..now heres where it gets good..

my mothers cousin is married to the personal secretary of the states attorney..

so she pulled a few strings and spoke to the man ...who located my ex..AFTER 27 years and she writes to the ex.....now my son has pretty much accepted not ever seeing his father..hes had a step father since he was 2..not the same i know..but still

i KNOW what my ex can be capable of..

my MOTHER says...ohhhhhhe wasnt a bad "boy"...un huh she doesnt see to remember he took off with his best friends wife the day jason was born..then she tells me that it was MY fault that he walked out..(thank you for your support mom)..now the ex will soon be 50 and ohh of course he MIGHT have changed....

anyway ..now my son upset because he doesnt know what to think ..

why cant she let sleeping dogs lay...

then i have a 13 year old daughter..not matter what i talk to her about , my mother comes back with "your moms just crazy"..this is anything that mother doesnt agree with...

and when i explain things to my daughter..she will run back to her grandma and of course ..."it NEVER happened"..

mom has done everything from calling the health department because i had cats in the house..this ended up with both my daughters (ages 5 and 15 at the time)being pulled from their school classes...and interviewed....to threatening to have mhy son (at age 12) taken away because he was abused...to her ABUSED meant he didnt get to do everything he wanted)

at age 16 ..good ol drivers license time..i had the perfect bribing tool...he had to bring home so many good school papers before he was allowed to use the car on the weekend..and his grades and attitude skyrocketed...even his teachers were calling to ask what i had done that triggered such a change....then my parents decided since he WAS a boy..he needed his own car...so they bought him one...so much for the school work..

..

but now the latest...my parents hold the mortgage on my sons home..my mother absolutely hates cats.., last year a stray made herself at home with my son and "adopted" my granddaughter..the cat was named LILY...and mhy granddaughter lugged that thing around like a rag doll...and that cat was constantly at her side..

once again my mother started making threats about NO cats...

my son and hsi wife went to pick up some furniture on an overnight trip...no one except my mother knew they were goign to be gone..when they returned the cat was nowhere to be found...

we know that mother took Lily off and dumped her..we just cant prove it..

two days ago...my son finds a kitten in my mothers front yard(mom lives on a small farm) ..it was slightly injured and he brings it to me to look at ..(i play doctor mom to everything)..i wasnt this good however and he takes the kitten to the vet..possible fractured or broken pelvis..vet says it looks like it might have been hit by a car..

if the kitten had remained at my mothers..either it would have been run over..or mom would have without a doubt ..killed it..

now my grandaughter has gotten attached to "polly"...and we have been coaching her that she cant tell grandma shirley about the kitten ..or grandma WILL kill it..a bit rough..maybe ...but my granddaughter had to get it thru her head how serious this is..

so now of course my mother finds out and calls me...and again ...im just totally warped....yep..im insane...im deranged...

mom has always shown partiality to certain grandkids...even the kids spouses had commented about it..

and i have told mom that shes hurting the kids..

but of course its MY imagination and IM INSANE..

im just at a loss anymore...i know she cant hurt me anymore...but shes hurting the kids....

any suggestions..HELP!!!

..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 12:16pm
You don't sound like you're insane to me! You sound like you are perfectly normal but your mother on the other hand . . . what business is it of hers whether you have a cat or whether you don't allow your son to have everything.

However, that being said, I have no idea what you should do except move to the other end of the country. Probably other people will have more sensible suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 1:23pm
At least the other end of the state!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 4:23pm
You might not like what I have to say, but here goes.

Your mother is doing this to your son and his daughter. In my opinion, it is up to them, not you, to stand up to her.

If they want pets they should feel free to have pets. If your mother threatens to foreclose on them because she holds their mortgage, they certainly have a viable to defense to any such nonsense.

She's had free reign for a long time. If her behavior bothers your son, only he can stop it. If he decides he has had enough, the first business of the day for me would be to change those locks so she can't tiptoe in whenever she feels like it.

As far as your relationship with her, why do you continue to tolerate such nonsense from her? It seems she has spent her whole life one-upping you at every opportunity. If you don't want to make this stop, at least limit your contact with her.

If you want help in dealing with her shenanigans, I would recommend two books: Toxic In-Laws and I'm Okay...You're a Brat. Both delve into interpersonal relationships like this and not only explore why people behave this way but also give examples of ways to react to them.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 12:16am
There you are - I told you someone would have some sensible suggestions.