Meddling relatives

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Meddling relatives
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 11:12pm
This is sort of a combo vent/question! Does anyone else here have problems with relatives meddling in ur business? And being rude about it? Here is the deal. My aunt Teri is my mom's younger sister. They are both in their 40's. My aunt Teri did not go to college, she married a semi-wealthy guy and had 4 daughters who are now 15-24 (they later divorced and she works for an insurance co for decent $. One of her daughters - my cousin - is my age (18) but I am a lot closer to the 2 older cousins in their 20s. MY mom on the other hand went to college and orig. planned to major in History (which she loves) but changed to education because every1 was pushing her to. She is a teacher and has been for a long time but does not really enjoy teaching and has done a lot of other things for this reason (different jobs)! She always taught me to do what I want to do and dont listen to other ppl. She homeschooled me my jr and sr years so I graduated early (had to get my GED but my ACT scores helped me get a scholarship to college)...I am going in my 2nd semester of college right now and I was trying to decide on a major, and then I decided I wanted to major in dental hygiene which is a 2 yr prog. but I will also be getting a Spanish language associate's degree and also a med tech license just because I want to have those to fall back on too. I feel good about my decision and have talked to a lot of ppl about it incl. my mom's friend's daughter and another cousin (totally unrelated to my Aunt Teri) who are both dental hygienists/assistants and like their jobs. I really think it will be a good career for me. I am not interested in being in a corporate type of job or climbing the co. ladder, being rich and famous, etc...I just would like to make enough money to live decently and be happy. SOOOOO here's the deal...EVERY time we see my Aunt Teri she lectures me endlessly about what a stupid choice I am making. She thinks she is the world expert on what I should do w/ my life and how I should major in computers, business, nursing, etc. She brags about how her daughter (my 18 yr old cousin Jessica) is so smart and is pre med. Teri tells EVERYONE that even the freakin garbage man probably!!! It is not that I am trying to prove I am somehow "better" than Jessica...we get along...but the thing is we go to the same college...and I know that she is making D's. She is heavily into partying and was all psyched about joining a certain sorority til she found out u had to have good grades. My aunt Teri is in denial or apparently doesn't realize this. It is hard to listen to. She has half the family convinced I'm wasting my scholarship. I don't know what to say to her. It's getting to the point that anytime I am around her I want to smack her for jumping down my throat about what I should or shouldnt do w/ my life. My mom tells me to ignore Teri but its hard, u know??? I try to just stay calm but it really makes me mad when she acts like she is the EXPERT on college and she never even went to college for 1 min.
Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 12:02am
Okay you have been around here log enough to know my advice on the matter. You see this person, she is not going away and she is not goin to change her mind. So come up with a one liner to say everytime she starts in on you.

I like "at least I know I will beable to have a job when I am finshed in college"

or if she is talking about her daughter a simple "yea but some decent grades wouldn't hurt either"

okay, I'm a little irratated tonight about some things so maybe that is a little harsh, but think of something you are comfortable saying and say it then drop it.

Hope maybe it will get you thinking anyways.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 2:46am
My opinion is that its ok for her to give her opinion but your Aunt really needs to let you decide what to do for yourself. I wonder if her kids reallly like being in the dental profession or its something their mom made them do.

I have two relatives like yours. My Aunt who forces everyone to go to college whether they can handle it or not and is convienced that anyone without a 4 year degree is a failure (Makes me wonder what she thinks of my DH :) ) and my grandmother who tells us all how we should be accountants. No offense to accountant out there but to me it seems really dull plus in my case I am no good with math. I escaped being an accountant but did go to 4 year college I think and AS in Nuclear Medicine would have been a better choice, but now oh well.

Anyway you arent alone. Everyone I think has someone trying to tell them what to do with their lives when they are 17 or so and its because they care and dont want to see you screw up. They just dont realize the same path isnt the same for everyone. Personally i think you have a good game plan worked out so dont worry about your Aunt or anyone thinks. You have to stand on your own eventually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 7:28pm
Hi Rhiannon,

You are definitely smart, confident & know yourself. your plans sound amazing. My dental hygenists seem very interested in what they're doing when i go to the dentist & that's not the case for many people's jobs. plus, Spanish- that's really a big plus. why would you want to be on the computer for work unless it was your passion- which it's not for a lot of people.

So.... I'd just try to not be around her so you don't get hassled. If you have to be around her- then, have a looong list of topics/questions to ask her & change the subject. Plus, you can always run to the bathroom, get water to drink. Also, take her aside & tell her you mean business that she needs to stop it!

You're going to have a super career! and fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 8:48pm
Hi redrumrhiannon,

I'm close to your Aunt's ages, maybe I can be of some miniscule help???? I am a nurse and my DH Computer Science. And I can tell you those careers esp. IT are terrible. Why is there a nursing shortage? Probably for good reason! (Without getting into great detail here). The fact that you are pursuing a career of some sort is admirable. It doesn't matter what it's in and it doesn't matter what they think. You aren't bound to it for life, you can always return to school, I am and I'm in my late 30's.

Dental Hygienists are very much in demand in Phoenix and with a Spanish background, you'd be like gold!

Never mind what anyone says, you are doing *something* and that's all that matters. Your family is probably jealous because they wish they would have done something so they have to speak badly about you for it. People do what benefits theirselves (such as gossip).

Oh, and p.s. I wish I would have gone into Dental Hygiene instead of nursing!