MIL Mystery....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
MIL Mystery....
57
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 7:15pm

I have this situation...and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 9:27pm

Did you forget to lock the door or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 6:26am
So you asked a couple things......lemme see if I can address it all!!!

1) yes,they have a key & so do my parents. DS just started carrying his own house key & letting himself in afterschool. He's locked himself out before & I thought if they had a key...they didn't have to wait on the front porch for me to come home from work!!!

2) yea...I get your point. Giving her a key implies she can use it....but I gave a copy to my parents & they don't come in uninvited!!!

3) no...this is a new cloud of perfume! Thanksgiving was 2 wks ago, this was DEFINITELY a new cloud of perfume!

4) I did NOT accuse anyone of anything. I asked a question. I thought I was going crazy smelling her perfume & wanted to make sure that I wasn't losing my mind...so I asked if she'd been here be/c its her perfume I smelled!!

5) Changing the locks isn't an option....for the reason above! My kids!!!


Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 8:18am
"5) Changing the locks isn't an option....for the reason above! My kids!!! "

I don't understand... if you change the locks, just get enough copies of the new keys made to give to your kids as well. I don't understand why your kids would be a reason why you can't get your locks changed.

Social etiquette would dictate that giving someone a spare key for emergences or whatnot does not give someone a free license to enter your home whenever they want. Most people understand that. Unfortunately, not everyone follows social etiquette and your MIL has proven she is one of them. If you don't want her in your home uninvited, change the locks and don't give her a spare key. It's really the only way to be sure she won't do it again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 10:45am
Ds has locked himself & his sister out of the house before....so when he forgets his keys he calls my inlaws to come let them in. If I changed the locks, I'd need to make sure someone had a copy. I feel that giving the key to a family member is better than a neighbor. I don't really even mind that she had to use the bathroom, I'm bothered she went into my bedroom...where the door was closed & looked around!

I feel like she's got me by the you know what....she knows its be/c of the kids she has a key. She also does a lot for the us & kids. She is very generous & has always been there if we needed a sitter. So she has this sense of entitlement, if you know what I mean. I do really appreciate her help & everything she does for us...but that doesn't mean that I want her snooping in my home.



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 3:27pm

Hi Helga,

You said," I feel that giving the key to a family member is better than a neighbor. "

Not necessarily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 8:33pm
You don't even know for sure she did this. I understand the perfume issue but if you have a good relationship with her why don't you ask?? She may deny but at least she knows you know.

Put a fake rock with a key in your yard after you change the locks. Sends another message to her.

I hope you aren't wrong because if you are you're going to cause a bigger issue.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 8:42pm
Exactly....I thought having her help us out was the right thing to do...but I guess not!

MIL called this evening. DD asked her if she was here, she denied it!! But I know that my whole family & I are not nuts! There is definitely a lingering smell of her perfume, even today!!!


So I guess what I'm left with is that....she snooped...and now is denying it. I guess after everything all these years...I should have expected this from her! Shame on me!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 9:05pm
No....I'm pretty sure she did this....even though she's denying it!!!

She usually calls daily & is all up in our business, but since I called about this the other day, I haven't heard a peep out of her!!! NOTHING!!! DH usually gets several daily calls from her....not one!!!

We used to have a very strained relationship. She's said & done quite a few hurtful, nasty things to me, my dd & my mom over the years. Dh has gone to bat for us in the past with her....so unfortunately, I'm really not surprised she did this! But she's dh's mom...so what do I really do?! He's po'd with her over this....wants answers....but he's so busy at work with the holidays coming that I don't want to force the issue & fight with him!!!

I guess Christmas Eve dinner at BIL's house should be really interesting this year!!!!!

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 1:53am

At least your MIL might start wearing less perfume, since she now knows that its giving her away!

Do you have a neighbor that is usually home and that you would trust with a key?

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 2:02am

<>

I heard a home security lecture in which the police officer said that the thieves see the same ads as the rest of us for the fake rocks and hollow soda cans etc. sold for hiding keys or valuables. To the wrong person that fake rock says "just let yourself in"!

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