MIL not speaking to me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
MIL not speaking to me...
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:36am
I always had a great relationship with my MIL. She lived far away from us, I guess thats why. Last summer we decided to move to her state. I took my step son with me to her house to look for a house last summer. MIL and SIL found a house for me to rent before I flew down and I put a deposit on it, based on the pictures she sent me. I planned on spending the week painting and cleaning.

My SS and I arrived and there was this strange tension in the air? You know, that thick silence type of behavior. They took me to see the house and I was alittle diasappointed, it needed ALOT of work and finances were slim.

MIL was acting standoffish about my disappointment and she said that I was being a "SNOB."That bothered me, but I let it go. I told her maybe I should back out of the deal and she told me I wouldn't be able to find anything for the same price. I said that by the time I pay for all the repairs and cleaning I would break even by choosing a more expensive house.

Next morning, I am up bright and early to get to work, SIL was suppossed to take me to get paint and supplies. I wait nearly five hours and she never shows up. MIL takes me to the flea market?? I then asked her to take me to Lowes so I could buy paint...At Lowes she gets even more standoffish, asking me why I am wasting all of this money on paint??

We get back to her house and she calls my husband behind my back and starts complaining about the money I was spending. THAT pis**ed me off!! She then tells me and my step son that we have become "snobs" and that she didn't raise his father to be such a snob. She then tells me that I am like this because my family is rich and I lived in a mansion my whole life. WHAT????? My parents were middle class and we lived in a three bedroom house??

She is Latino by the way. Anyway, HER house is filled with antiques and has SIX bedrooms, Four living rooms and three bathrooms?? Her house is nicer than both of my parents house.

I really started to get annoyed at this point with the insults.

She offerred for me to use her car so that I could get to work on the house,That evening at dinner I asked my SIL where I could rent a car. Everybody got really quiet...and they insisted that I use their car. I just wanted independance and I didn't want to put anyone out by using their car, but they insisted. I spent the next three days painting and cleaning with my step son.

My SIL shows up honking her horn in the driveway. I go outside and she has this face like she is pissed, she told me to call my husband. I call my husband and he starts yelling at me about how rude I am being and asking me why I am spending so much money. I KNEW his Mother was harping on him behind my back.

I get back to MIL's house and she is talking to SIL on the phone. MIL hands me the phone and walks away. SIL starts lecturing me about how rude I am being over spending all the time at the new house and not asking MIL to help me paint????? HELLO she is 60 years old? Then she tells me to try to clear things up with MIL, clear up WHAT??

As far as I am concerned these people are all paranoid busy bodies.SIL tells me to try to work things out with MIL?? As far as I was concerned there was nothing to work out. She has been rude and I have been tolderating it.

When I hang up with SIL it was nearly midnight and MIL offerred me coffee, I said no thanks I am tired and I am going to bed and I smiled and told her everything was fine asn I didn't want to burden her with working on the house.

Next morning step son starts acting out because of all of this weird tension, crying and refusing to get out of bed (he never acts this way)MIL tells me that I don't know how to raise my S-KIDS right. That was the last straw!!! I packed my bags and left. I refuse to tolerate the insults any longer. I haven't spoken to MIL or SIL since last summer.Before I left SIL calls me and tells me that I lack proper manners and social etiquette. I should have NEVER gone to my house alone to clean and paint without MIL. I should have NEVER asked about renting a car and I should have had coffee with MIL at midnight to clear things up??? SIL says that I am rude and insensitive for treating them all this way???

When I returned home I wrote them a nasty letter and told them that I refuse to be insulted by people who barely even know me.These hypocrits had showed up at my house three days before my wedding at 3am and told me that they would be staying at MY HOUSE.My new house that was filled with boxes because I had just moved in the day before. I had no blankets for them and no place for all of them to sleep. I had to give them my bed and I slept on my floor with a Barney Blanket.And they called me rude??

What the heck, my husband wants me to forgive and forget. I just think that these people are way too sensitive and paranoid. What should I do, they think that it was all me??I am afraid to even be around them because it seems like they read into things too much. They take offense to the most minute details??? What should I do ??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 12:30pm
I think your husband should of told them both to mind their business,YOU are his wife and famiy and it is his job to tell his relatives to mind their business. You don't have to like them,but maybe just forget it and stay away from them,maybe stay home when your stepson and husband visit them. They aren't your family so you really don't have to deal with them.~cherrysnaps~
Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 11:40am
I think if I was in your shoes I would keep the contact at a minimum. It sounds like they don't when to take a step back and let people live their lives the way they see fit. I would totally keep the visits short and sweet with no details of what is going on in you alls lives. I would make an effort for the sake of my DH but that would be all. I know first hand how trying overbearing inlaws can be. Sometimes we just need to have a distance rule between us even if it is never spoken. Hope things work out and they ease up on you some. We are always here if you need us{{{HUGS}}}}} Michelle