MIL-so annoying!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
MIL-so annoying!
7
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 12:53pm
Hi guys. Last night over at the in-laws my dh & mil were nagging back & forth about a stupid mattress! They're having an appraiser over today so they've been cleaning and clearing out their rooms and closets. She had a few things to give us plus a double mattress for the bed they are going to give us. She wanted all the stuff out of the house last night. But it was getting late, plus my dh wouldn't have any help carrying the mattress in, at least I thought he would need help, but when I chimed in saying this, she said well HER husband carried it in all by himself. So I shut up. Then she was saying 'well at least put the mattress in the van(their van) and have dh drive it home and bring the van back the next day.' Well, he wasn't planning on coming to their house today to drop off the van, so I chimed in again and said that maybe dh could drop the van off the next day at lunch. But he said he wouldn't have time to do that. I didn't know what else to say to her. So then she gets all pissed and says, 'I just won't give ya'll the mattress then!' I was sitting there (trying to get thru to vote for Ruben on Am. Idol!) and didn't know what to say. After a minute or so she calmed down a little and said well I guess you can at least load it into the van and we'll just keep it there over night.

I was so pissed, mostly at her, but I could tell that dh was kinda egging her on, but I wanted to say 'fine we don't want the stupid thing anyway!' Doesn't this sound so immature of her? First she's all nice giving us stuff that we don't even ask for, and then suddenly she's mad about dh not doing what she wants, so she's gonna take it all back??! I felt sorry for my dh, this isn't the first time they've nagged like that back and forth. But she can be such a b**** ARGHHHHH! Besides my FIL ended up loading the stupid thing in the van all by himself, so my dh didn't need to do anything after all! What would you have done?

 baby

Avatar for goldie15
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 9:37pm
Ok, now I do not want to ruffle your feathers and I want to clearly say this I am a MIL and I also have had a MIl that just irritated the heck out of me.

I think as MIL and I really think this applies more to our sons we have the tendency to want our kids to do what we want.......when we want. I know I can ask my SIL for a favor or to help me out and I always add "when you have time", but my son's I tend to expect it asap!!

Look at it this way maybe just maybe your MIL was really stressed out about this stuff, your DH was "egging" her on and it all was just blown up!

I know when my kids married I swore never...ever to be like my MIL. Every once and a while I slip and forget that I am not mommy anymore but a MIL!!!

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 12:18pm
I would have just left it alone and let them work it out. You said that your DH and MIL nag back and forth, so I guess that's just how they are. My DH and my MIL fight about lame stuff too. I used to try and mediate to help them through their fights, but they just find something else to argue over, so what's the point? They can argue over the same thing for a week or a different thing each day. The only difference is that if I get involved, I get agrivated. I think they aren't happy unless they are having a problem with each other about something. So I just stay out of it and let them do their thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 5:10pm
I didn't think about it that way! Actually, alot of times I side w/her and get irritated at my dh for being so non-responsive! And his dad is alot like that too, it's not that they don't want to help, they're just guys, and move and think at a slower pace than us females do!! LOL =) I can see her get just as frustrated w/her dh when he won't act right away, 'cause our men need to respond to us when we need them! That's just our nature. I think he was just tired and she was stressed and tired-no blood lost! I pretty much do stay out of it, I just wanted to be reassured that that was probably the best thing to do when situations like this come up. Thanks for y'alls responses!

Jenny

 baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 2:18pm
I read your post and I guess I am a little confused. Do you want the mattress and other belongings or not? If not I would politely let her know that you do not want the stuff and leave it at that. If you do want the stuff and she is just giving it to you for free then it is kind of your responsibility to get it when it's convient to her. If she also has the vechile to transport it and is offering it to you to use, I think you're overracting. Even though she may be saying and pushing her opinions on you in a negative way to get you irritated she still is giving you some items and to take it when she needs it to be taken is not only curtious but, proper manners.
Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 8:17am
Jenny,

You really want to know what I would do? he he. I think if it would have been me I would have gotten up adn told them that I was going home. When they figured out what they wanted to do to call me and I would be more than happy to come and help them with whatever they needed until then I didn't have the time to listen to them bicker. I think if they are prone to do this is just to take a step back and let them go at it, sometimes we have to let them blow off their steam however they can and if this time it was a little old matress then let em have it.

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 12:56pm
LOL! It's actually a fairly new mattress and his dad brought it over the next day. The more I thought about it & talked to my dh about it I realized it was mostly him nagging at his mom and she just got frustrated w/him(like I do at times!). So it's all good now.

 baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 1:07pm
Yes, I do want to mattress. It was a nice gesture of her to give me some of her stuff, it's just I sometimes get frustrated w/the way she acts, not the fact that it wasn't convienent for us at that time. I was fine w/bringing the stuff back that night but she just was getting on my nerves so I had to vent a little. But like I said b4 I think it was partly my dh, just being unresponsive to her and I can understand why she would get fed up w/him and act that way! Of course I'm used to my own mom who has a sunnier disposition and would have been like y'all can come get it when you feel like it! (she's so sweet!) and of course she doesn't have any sons, so she just likes to spoil my dh and never gets mad at him! =)

 baby