Mom didn't tell me this on purpose just to hurt me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Mom didn't tell me this on purpose just to hurt me
6
Tue, 05-17-2011 - 9:50am

For my mother, giving support to me as a child has always been related to giving money. I never felt emotionally supported from her but now I'm 7 months pregnant I thought it could be different (go figure why). All these months she seemed very happy with my pregnancy and becoming a grandmother. We had an argument last week and we didn't speak since. So she did something yesterday that really shocked me.

Me and my husband we're moving to a new home and since it's not "ours" yet to move, I gave her home address to receive my mail. Yesterday I had a booked appointment with my doctor and when I arrived at the clinic they told me it was canceled and they re-scheduled it to this Friday. They said they sent a letter to my address last week informing about the situation.... they also said they had the confirmation that the letter arrived because she had to sign in order to receive it.

I was in shock because my mother received the letter from the clinic last week and didn't care about telling me about it. I have a huge belly right now and the clinic is a 40km drive. She used to have the habit of opening all my mail so I'm almost sure she opened the letter and decided to totally ignore it, making me drive all the way there for nothing. And even if she didn't open the letter, it has the clinic name and address so she should contact me because it could be something urgent. And because of the argument last week (where she said some nasty things to me) she didn't care.

I'm really really sad and hurt with her attitude. I would never do such a thing to my daughter! I believe that contacting and telling about the letter should be a priority over any argument, especially when you care about your daughter and her baby! Even my husband's mom was shocked with her attitude. I'm also shocked to know she did this on purpose... but what kind of mother would do this on purpose????

I already went to the post office and changed my address so no more letters go to her home. This let me feeling so deeply sad, especially being pregnant. I don't feel like talking to her anymore after this.

Any comments would be appreciated helping me understand why a mother would do this to a daugther.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I don't know why a mother would do this to her pregnant daughter. Maybe she's just flat mean, cause that was a terrible thing to do to you.

Sorry she did that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2011
Do you not have a phone? I have never heard of an office sending a letter to change an appointment instead of calling. Most offices call and at least leave a message.

You're assuming that she opened and read the letter therefore she must have chosen not to let you know about it. What if she DIDN'T open it? Even with a history of opening your mail, maybe when you confronted her about it, she got the point. Maybe she just assumed it was a bill so didn't bother to open it. That's what I would have assumed. In which case you would probably have a month to pay it. Maybe she hoped your argument would be resolved before then so no rush to contact you immediately.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you chose to have your mail sent there. I would think it would be your responsibility to check in to see if any had arrived.
Anna
Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
I have to agree with sunfun.

I realize that you're probably super busy with moving and getting ready for your new baby, but at the same time, I think you needed to get the mail more often.

I'm glad you changed the address at this point. Yes, it sucks that you weren't notified, no matter who was to blame, but I don't know that this would be such a sticking point for me in an fued with my mom--there are other worse things my mom has done (I'm kind of kidding :) )

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I wouldn't have assumed a registered letter was simply a bill. And no matter how angry I was with my son, I would have notified him of a registered/certified letter I'd signed on his behalf.



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011

This doctor office has a policy of sending a letter, not calling. I don't know why, it's their policy. I agree they should call instead.

Even if my mother didn't open the letter, on the envelope there's the name and the doctor's office address visible, so she would know it's from there, also because I've received another letters from there before and she called me and let me know.

Yeah, it's my responsibility to check if there's mail for me, but she as a mother and seing the letter is from the doctor's office, she could have let me know about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Yep. That's what most moms would do, no matter if we had an argument with our pregnant daughter.