moms getting remarried to a guy ive only met 1 time

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
moms getting remarried to a guy ive only met 1 time
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 11:36am

Im a 23 year old who just lost her father last year (he died of cancer). My mom and I have never had a good relationship. My mom started dating 2 months after my dad passed, which I was OK with because I understand that she needed someone to lean on. But she met a guy a few months back and moved in with him week 1 and started planning the wedding! The wedding is in a month and I am not invited. So I'm gaining a Stepdad and Stepbrothers I've only ever met once. My mom has basically created a new life new family and removed herself from anything involving the past, including her kids. I'm living on my own and am just trying to get on my own two feet. Ever since my dad died and really even before that we have not been a family unit. I can't go to them as they don't want me apart of their lives anymore. I know the best thing for me right now is to stay away and to worry about myself. My friends and I have created our own little family and celebrated Thanksgiving (it was the best one I've ever had) and soon Christmas together. I love them and trust them dearly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Im sorry for the loss of your Dad, and as it seems the loss of your Mom as well.

Perhaps you can send them an Xmas Card wishing them the best, and hoping it opens the lines of communication.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010

First of all I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I am also sorry for your mother treating you like that.

You need to find away to make yourself feel more at ease with the situation. I agree sending maybe a Christmas card to them would make you feel more at ease because then at least you tried to communicate with them. I can tell it is obviously hard on you. The best advice I can give you is talk to someone. The boards here I feel help because you feel like you are not alone. Also talk to your friends who are like family to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004

Hi Craving Fresh Air,

Welcome to the board and sorry for your loss. A lot has happened to you within the last couple of years and you probably do need some distance away from your family so you can heal from all the hurt. I'm also glad you have some friends to share your holidays with.

I have a question. Do you have siblings? It seems very difficult to get through this time, if you don't have anyone who's going through the same thing to share it with. That could be part of the delay in the healing process - feeling like you're alone in this. I think only time and filling your life with activities, friends and career will help you to cope with these problems.

I had a step monster when I was your age, but I still saw my dad (although the step monster made it unpleasant). So I can't fully grasp what your going through. All I know is it's got to hurt and I'm sorry for your pain.

You say you're just getting on your feet and that is probably scary to you too. I know once you get your career established, the fear will dissipate and so will some of those feelings you're having. Sometimes different emotions get balled into what seems to be a giant mess and as one problem gets solved, the others seem smaller.

Please keep us updated on everything. We're here to help you get through the process. We have a lot of people here who have been hurt and overcame. We all come from different backgrounds and a lot of us have various pieces of advice. You'll always get support here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
I too am very sorry for your loss!

Family is what you make it!!! You said yourself that you had a great Thanksgiving with your loving, caring, supportive friends! To me it sounds like you already have everything you need!!!

If you need time & space away from your family, I think its ok to do what you need to do.

Good luck...happy holidays