Mother with NPD: Narcisistic Personality Disorder

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Mother with NPD: Narcisistic Personality Disorder
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 11:45am

Long story short: I’m 35 years old and I always had problems dealing with my mother and I suffered many abuses from her since I was a child: she was violent with me several times but I specially suffered from emotional abuse. Last year I knew that she suffers from NPD (Narcisistic Personality Disorder) which explains a lot.

Last year I also cut ties with her after a series of abusive episodes from her but then I felt sorry for her before Xmas and started talking to her again. At the beginning of this year I got pregnant with my baby girl and I developed a huge sense of protection for my baby and myself, so after another very bad episode from her where she didn’t care at all that I was pregnant I cut ties with her for good. This was in May and I didn’t talk to her since.

For me it was a HUGE relief cutting ties with her. I felt that for the first time in my life I don’t have that person sabotaging me, making me feel bad, telling everyone I’m an anwfull person and etc. I can simply be me and breathe! It was a huge relief for my husband as well since he never liked her, and also a relief for some of my girlfriends that knew how she is and the bad influence she was to me. She never saw my daugther that was born in September and it’s such a big relief that I don’t have her around my baby girl. It still hurts not having a mother now as it used to hurt during pregnancy. I don’t feel any guilt or anything similar having cut ties with her, and me and my husband also got mad with his mother because she was insisting for me to talk to my mother because she was suffering a lot not knowing her grandchild (my mother was using her and manipulating her) and we told her to stop since she has nothing to do with it and it’s my life.

A few weeks ago I was thinking if I should send her a photo of my baby girl or even if I should accept for her to know my baby. That’s when last week I must have made some mistake on Facebook and I added her as a friend. I couldn’t believe what she said next! She thought I want to have contact again with her and she sent me a message saying that it was good the break we had since I could think about things and get to my senses! That feelings is all that matter and blablabla... I responded that it was a Facebook mistake and please don’t contact anymore. So she still thinks I’m acting bad and that finally I’m getting to my senses and talking again with my “wonderful” mother??? How sick is this? And for me it’s not feelings that matter, but the way we treat the people we say we love! When you love someone you treat right! At least for me is like this.

So in the end it was good this Facebook thing so I realise once and for all that I finally got to my senses on the day I cut ties with her. And I can’t even imagine having that person near my baby daughter! I don’t care if it’s a mother, an uncle, whatever! People are not entitled to things just because of their family titles, but because of who they are as a person.

Thank you for reading my venting, I would appreciate some advice and your oppinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 8:22pm

Kudos to you for sticking to your boundaries.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 9:21pm
Wow!!! She doesn't get it.... And I think cutting ties was probably a good idea for you & your baby!!!

I'm in a similar position with my father. He's an abusive drunk who used to beat me & my mom! At 19, I cut ties with him. But years later, when I got pregnant w/ ds, I let him back into my life! Boy what a mistake that was!!! Like your mother did, he proved he wasn't worthy of being in our lives!! So we don't talk & we're all much better off!

Good luck. Enjoy your baby's first holiday!!! Its going to be so special!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 3:03pm

My former DIL had NPD.