mother trying to force party on us
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|Tue, 09-11-2012 - 1:52pm|
My fiance and I are getting married later this fall. To make a long story short, we would have just gone the courthouse/champagne toast route if it weren't for the fact that quite a few people would feel left out. In my mother's case, she refused to attend a courthouse wedding (her words). She's a religious zealot and insists that our wedding won't be blessed by god. Ok, fine.
So, we planned a small wedding in neighborhood we've been living in for the past two years. I'm in my late 30s, my fiance early 40s, have good jobs and are paying for this ourselves. Well, from the get-go, my mother has been unbelievably difficult about us not having a traditional religious wedding in my hometown-- a place I have little to no connection to at this point. I haven't lived there for years, only my parents and one younger sibling live there, and all of my childhood friends are long gone. Despite her protests, we went forward and planned something here.
Now, all of a sudden, she is insisting we let her throw us a dinner party around Christmas and that I invite our guests-- who are already coming to our wedding as it is and most likely do not want to attend yet another celebration for us. When I told her I really have no one I'd invite to, nor who would want to come to, a second party, she said she has a bunch of friends from their neighborhood and her old job she wants to invite. I told her point blank that this sounds like a party she's really throwing for herself. She got huffy and said, "So what if it is? I deserve to have a party for my daughter who just got married." I told her it's pointless, that we're going to have to pay a lot of money just to travel there, we already have other travel plans for the holidays, that I don't even know these people, will never see them again and wouldn't even feel comfortable accepting a gift from them becuase I don't know them. I've discussed this with my fiance and he really doesn't want to have to sit through another wedding party long after our wedding day. He sees no point, and neither do I. I tried to explain this to her nicely, that it just isn't a good idea and that if she wants a party she should hold one for another reason-- and she said no. I then said firmly that we do not want this party, and she flew off the handle calling me an ungrateful daughter who is denying her what is rightfully hers as a mother. I know that all she wants to do is show her friends with married kids that she and her own kids are normal too because she's been to elaborate shin-digs held by her friends for their kids. Quite frankly, I could care less what her friends think of her, or me.
As far as I know, she's gone ahead to begin planning this party. I told her we don't have the time nor money to travel out there for this party and that, again, we don't want it. She doesn't understand that my wedding isnt about her. All I know is this will be the most uncomfortable party in the world for my fiance and I. We'd be sitting in a chair holding court while my mother talks about her old job and church. I wish she'd stop it already.