mother/daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
mother/daughter
1
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 2:17pm
I have a very special, unique matter that is going to drive me nuts. My mother constantly blaimes that I have not reached anything in life, in terms of: I have not achieved anything yet, because: I am not rich yet, I am no superstar yet, I am not a 2nd Donald Trump already.. It's kind of phatetic when you think about it. !!

I am grown up. I am over 25. And I have my mother yell at me like I am a 16 year old, needless to say that my opinion is not even heard. I am the kid and I will be the kid for the rest of my life. What a nightmare! What an embarrasment infront of my friends, boss, colleagues, and lovers!!!

There is no way to make her understand how to respect me. I have given up.

I hold more diplomas then everybody I know!. I passed the hardest schools (85% drop out rate). Next to school and university I always worked and sometimes finished 40 hour trainings. I am a model too, I get offers every week for a show or such. And I work at an office during the day and study at night. I nearly break my neck with my appointments!.I almost dont know where my life is leading me right now. I am trying to and suceeding in everything I do. It's freaky. I need to give it up. I have ruined relationships with man because of my 'need to achieve some HIGHER goal', plus my mother will only accept a guy like Gates, Trump or Kennedy because love doesn't matter anyway. The only thing that counts is that I am married to some crazy big shot.

-HEy, aehmm..anybody cares what 'I' think about that?!..

I realise that I can not make my mother accept me just for who I am. I always have to achieve something to be of worth for my mother. That freaks me out. I feel like the son of Dr. Evil in Austin Powers.

There's no way to satisfy her. I thought of breaking all contact and moving to another continent (yes, I have done that before for 5 years, and regrett that I came back.).I am a single child, so it's even harder for me.

The thing is that I went to do a big job in a foreign country with many other girls/woman like me from all over the world and I learned that I am valuable and I should just enjoying life for what it is. That I have self-worth regardles of what I achieved and that next to that, I already achieved a lot. And I liked it. And I like myself now.

And I am not willing to work my ass off anymore for the vanity of my parents('the family'). I want to enjoy life because I missed out on a lot while getting all my diplomas and playing my 'role' while I was younger. I want to be loved, accepted, respected just for existing, not only for my achievements. I will continue to achieve my goals anyway.

What do I do with my freaked out mother? She has moods in which she drives me nuts and expects me to be the next ruler of the world.

I want to spezialise in Human rights. But I see how I change, how I become bitter over the yelling, the insults, the calling me lazy, the calling me names, etc.. I grew up with it. I never learned much self-worth. But now I have it and I will not give it up again. I can not satisfy my family anymore. I think the only way to satisfy her is to be Lora Croft, or 'Superwoman' and I am tired of trying to become a superhero. In the end I am just a regular human being who has flaws and does mistakes.

The constant critics/attacs on my person make me work harder, but wear me out. I do work hard on myself, but I would do the same if I had positive feedback instead of negative. I know I can't change her, but I think my sensitive personality is breaking into pieces over this and I will be a second Dr. Evil when I am her age. I miss the 'human touch'.

thanks for listening,... and don't tell any of this to the political party my parents want me to represent in a short time. I want to go with the oposite party, but my mum promises to break all bounds with me if I do... Freedom of choice.Family matters.

Stella.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 8:05am


Sounds like your mom needed to have more kids to accomplish everything she is expecting. To put it all on you is wrong. It sounds like your mom wants you to do everything she never did. You are an adult now, smart, independent and you have to live your life the way you want to. If your mom doesnt like it oh well. Id say from what you have written it sounds as though you are on your way to living your own life. You cant do everything for your mom the way she wants it. With what she expects youll probably kill yourself trying.

If you find a guy you love, money or not, and will be happy with him and want to marry him go for it. Its more likely that a marriage for money will disolve before one for love. Form your own family and you know how not to pressure your future children (should you want to have them) like your mother does you.

Keep in mind at this point your happiness with your own life is more important than your mother's happiness for your life.

PS Politics are personal. Dont represent them if you dont believe in them. Would you say you were a certain religion if you didnt beleive in the teachings? Think about it.