Moved home after 8 years away

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Moved home after 8 years away
12
Wed, 09-14-2011 - 2:59pm

Hello everyone, I have not posted in this board in quite some time. ANyway, a little back story. I just turned 28 and have lived in another state for the past 8 years. The past 2 1/2 years I have lived alone, and before that I lived w/ roomies/a BF...my family has lived 2000 miles away. Well....over this past summer, i had trouble finding a second job, just didnt make enough, hours got cut....etc. Long story short, I decided to move home. Well, its been roughly 2 weeks since Ive been back and its been awful. I am currently staying w/ my rents right now, til I "get back on my feet" which I am hoping wont surpass 3 months. Ive always come back for visits and been homesick and my family always says they'd love to have me back, etc. Well...already I am having trouble finding a job, so no money to save to begin my own life again. I realize it may time a long time to adjust, but I am regretting my move. I miss my "old life" my old friends, my freedom of my old apartment. I couldnt afford a moving van so I basically gave all my furniture away so I have very little right now. Already my parents are on my case about everything. Most of it is small, petty things, but I find Ive gotten very stubborn. They seem to refuse to treat me like an adult. When I left home I was 20 and I feel like I walked back into the 20 year old life I had 8 years ago. Already on my case about putting dishes away, saying I didnt sweep the front porch "right", my mom has even been going on how I keep my car messy. I realize I am under THEIR roof....I get that. Ive offered to do certain chores to help out. Basically, whatever social life I used to have is gone. Its hard to go out w/ old friends w/ o the fam being nosy wondering when I am coming home. THis might not seem like a big deal to most. I guess after coming and going as I please for the last 8 years then all the sudden coming back to rules is almost impossible. I feel like I would do anything to go back to 2 months ago and I would NOT have made the decision to move. Even though I had gone dead broke. Anyway, sorry to complain. Just wondering if anyone else has had to experience this? My high school reunion is next month and I feel like a complete loser coming back to basically nothing and I have nothing interesting to say about my life right now.

=(

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 09-14-2011 - 4:57pm

Have you had a sit-down with your parents to discuss basic ground rules?

I've been through this on the parents' side although my adult kid was younger than you. When my ds graduated college he was almost 23 and had been living in off-campus apts for 4 years so we figured he knew how to be a decent roommate. We had several conversations before he arrived about "ground rules" because dh and I had had the house to ourselves for a couple of years (our younger kid was also off on her own). What I always said I wanted was "a contributing adult member of the household". (maybe that phrase will work with your parents?) Since the point of him being there was to save money we didn't charge him room or board, instead we expected the contribution to be in the form of doing things to keep the household running such as cleaning, cooking, yardwork etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 4:49am

Conversations about moving back into one's parents' home after having lived away always drive me nuts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 9:43am

Please don't tell new posters, or any posters for that matter, that they have no right to go to a board and "complain". She came looking for help to make the situation better, and although almost all of your post is helpful, some of it is unnecessarily harsh.

I really liked the part about the school reunion.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 11:30am

I agree with alot of what the other posters have said.

Dont feel so bad because I am living with my sis and mom right now and I am 57 years old. Trying to get back on my feet after a divorce and all... Its not easy.

Anyway; What I wanted to add was that no matter what age you are dont think of yourself as the child.. Think of yourself as a room mate who is courteous.. and like someone else said.. You had a setback but will one day go out on your own and have the life you want again... At 28 you have your whole life ahead of you...

Even to this day when I leave the house I just say going out for a bit or doing this or that.. Be back later.. Anyone need anything?

So its not a matter of age but just being courteous and not having people worry about you or where you are or whatever.

I also contribute financially and help out when I can... So I know how that goes... with the chores.. I do what I can and keep boundaries also.

Try and stay as neutral as possible because yes the rift that could start between you and your family could get ugly.. and you dont want that either as you all need each other in rough times as now...

Good Luck and I am sure all will work out....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 11:49am
Nice post! ITA.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 12:13pm

Ok, here goes...

Save your money and move out asap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 4:23pm

I hav a 28 year old son who came

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 8:31pm

I know that people have the right to come her and complain...I wasn't saying they didn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 9:04pm
I've had my grown son move back in with me, also, so I know the parents' side.

B sometimes parents do get unreasonable when their adult child moves in. I've seen it happen. They love the control.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 3:50pm

I've seen it happen, too.

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