msfit - about yesterday's venting

Avatar for sunflowers_271
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
msfit - about yesterday's venting
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 4:04pm
Yes, I had a feeling what I did was somewhat out of line and I did apologize for it, but like I said, someone needs to say something. I feel that if nothing is said, then nothing can be changed. I do not plan on ever calling again, no matter how frustrated I get. I realize that it can cause issues for my husband and I do not want to back him in a corner at work. I know for a fact he is not working long hours for extra income. When he goes to work in the morning, he is given a schedule of jobs to complete for the day. Some jobs take longer than others. He also can travel long distances which adds to the time.

Again, I am not one to complain. If I ever get angry, I tend to keep my mouth shut. There is more to this situation than what I posted (too complex to explain) and there are other reasons why I feel the way I do. My husband even mentioned to me that each morning when he heads out for the day, he is not looking forward to going to work. The happiness that was once there is gone. He made an appointment with his boss (which we both are good friends with) tomorrow to discuss some issues.

Looking at the situation from the outside, I know and respect that I need to let my husband fight his battles. However, being a wife, I see my husband working 12 - 13 hours a day (not by his choice) and many of those days, he does not get a lunch. As a matter of fact, my husband told me when he finally got home last night, that again, he was unable to take a lunch due to his workload.

Anyway, I wanted to clarify this so that people won't think I am a horrible, overbearing, nagging wife. Regardless, I am off to the gym. This is really just a one time post to get some ideas, so you guys probably will not see me around after this last post(unless I get a response). Thanks for responding and have a great day.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 6:05pm
Thank you for not getting upset with my blunt response, and I DO understand why you feel so frustrated and upset about the situation. I have been through a similar job situation with my own job and my fiance's frustration - we worked through it and I got another job - better pay, better hours, less stress, more fun. Best move I ever made.

Anyways, I agree with you that someone does need to speak up, but that someone needs to be an employee of the company - your husband and/or his co-workers, and no one else (except an attorney, perhaps, if you can prove your husband's rights are being violated or the company is breaking Labor Laws in some way - if this is the case, and your husband is a union member, ask him to speak to the union rep. about this - the union should provide free legal representation if they determine there is a problem. Been there, done that.)

Keep your chin up and keep letting your DH know how much you support him in this - and I wish you both the best of luck. Let us know how it turns out!




Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 6:57pm

I haven't been here in awhile due to family problems, but please feel free to keep posting. We are a small board and we all have different issues , opinions, thoughts and gripes. Please do not take some responses as a bad thing. We would really like to have you join our board. I really believe it takes many different people to make a board and we would love to have you stay with us. I understand about DH's working long hours and not getting paid for it. My DH is in the military and we get one flat rate( he is on recruiting duty 1 more year then back to reg duty) he works 6 days a week(most of the time), he leaves the house at 8 am and usually gets home @ 8pm or later. So I can feel your frustration, I think if we were in the civilian world I would vent too, but in this job we keep our mouths shut. I have a raging temper and usually my DH gets the grief, but he is my only outlet. So please feel free to post here as much as you can we all need different views. Again we would love to have you, but we understand if you feel you need to go. Just remember we all post in different ways that is what makes us unique. Please if you ever need anything feel free to email me at Hope to see you on the board :) Until then have a good workout...where do you get your motivation I am trying to get my body kickstarted into my routine and I am dragging;)


Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:58pm

I'm sorry that I missed your post yesterday before the boards changed over.

I did not get the whole story. Maybe I will try searching for it. :-)

Seems as though you must be pretty upset about these long hours and unfair pay. I hope that whatever happened will help get you to a solution to the problem. Sometimes, things have a way of working themselves out after a blow up.

I hope that you can stick around and post some more. We have quite a few people around the board here but I haven't seen too many of them with the board change. They will be back posting as soon as they are comfortable with how to post.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:02pm
Hi I've never posted here before, but noticed your post. I could've wrote some of that myself. I can understand why you expressed your concern to the boss, but really think you need to talk to your dh and think about the situation. I used to put all the blame on the boss but then realized it's just as much my dh's fault, he has the choice of finding another job.Sometimes when the boss is a good friend I think some people work harder and longer hours thinking they are helping a friend out of a bind when really the boss just uses guilt tactics and/or takes advantage because they know you will do whatever it takes to help out.About the only thing you can do is listen to him and encourage him to take a stand or find another job.You might come to find out that he really does like the extra money although you don't need it. I know I've learned that's the case with my dh,he actually thinks the more money he gives me the happier I should be, but that's a whole other problem.

Some things you can do if you haven't already is:

get a job so you have money coming in, maybe he'll be more comfortable changing jobs or take a lower paying job that will allow him some time at home.

try to find something hiring that you think he might be interested in casually let him know you saw an ad,they are hiring and you thought he might want to check into it.

Whatever you do, don't pressure him to quit or gripe about the hours that only causes more problems between the 2 of you.