My Best Friend's Wedding

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2013
My Best Friend's Wedding
Wed, 05-15-2013 - 12:48pm

My best friend recently got engaged.  She has been planning like crazy in the last month she has been engaged and has found her venue:  Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. It will be in January. At first it was just going to be family, but now she is inviting friends (only a few) so my husband and I are obviously invited.  Currently my husband is in school (graduates in Dec) and I am providing for us.  As of right now we do not have a plan for where we will be in January 2014 and we definitely to not have the money to go to Mexico.  Not to mention, hopefully he will have a job after graduation and asking for time off right off the bat is not something he really wants to do.  With moving, all his loans, and my low income; it's just not feasible.  However, I really want to go to be there for her and I really don't want to travel to Mexico alone and so I asked her if I could bring my mom with me and just a travel companion.  My mom would not go to the wedding or any festivities bc I know she wants it small and intimate.  Me bringing my mom would allow me to go and most likely my parents would pay.  My mom would get to be on vacay, read on the beach, enjoy Mexico and I would get to be at my best friend's wedidng.  She said, No. 

I was shocked.  Should I be that shocked?  I have been a bride before and I feel I would have said yes in a heartbeat if things were reversed because the end result would have been her being able to be there.  What should I do?  Should I bring it back up?  Explain myself more?  Relate it to her being at mine?  Any advice would be great!


Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Wed, 05-15-2013 - 6:43pm

Did you explain the situation as you did in the post? Did you mention that your mom isn't expecting to be a wedding guest, will pay for her own accommodations, etc.?
Did the conversation continue after she said "no?"
It seems odd that if she's your best friend that she wouldn't have considered it a bit more than just the flat denial that you imply she gave, but I don't know how you would bring it up again unless you didn't actually explain your reasoning in the conversation in the first place.
It seems like you had a text message exchange instead of a conversation. What actually happened?


Clinical Research Associate


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 11:18am

That is very odd.  If I were your friend and you said "my mom could come but wouldn't be coming to the wedding" then I would say "of course your mom can come to the wedding."  That is really the normal thing to do.  If she is your best friend, hasn't she ever met your mother?  I don't know how old you are but when I was young I knew all my friends' parents.  Since she said no, if you really don't want to travel alone, then you can always decline the wedding.  I think people who have these destination weddings either 1) really don't want people to come or 2) are so insensitive and self centered that they don't consider the extra expense that they are causing people by basically making people spend their vacation money on a wedding.    since it's a long time from now, I don't think you have to discuss it right away since you never know what might happen by then--maybe your DH will have a job offer that pays a lot or a signing bonus & he'll want to take a trip before he starts work.  Maybe you won't mind traveling alone (frankly I would go alone and have fun--I flew from Boston to Las Vegas alone to meet up with some friends for a vacation).  So just consider saying nothing for now.  Then when she invites you and you say no and she asks why you're not coming--you can just say 1) we don't have the money for a trip or 2) I don't want to travel that far alone and my DH can't come.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Fri, 05-17-2013 - 1:53pm

I agree that more information is needed before we can give an opinion.  Did your friend say any more than "No"?  What difference does it make your mother traveling with you, but not attending the wedding?  I don't even know why you needed to ask her if it was okay since it has nothing to do with her (does it)?  Seems very odd of you to ask, and odder still that she said no. 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2013
Mon, 06-03-2013 - 8:35pm

Yes, I explained the situation to her.  She knows my situation because we talk quite a bit (thought we have talked significantly less since the whole conversation).  Everyone is paying for their own accomodations so she knew my mom would be.  The conversation did not really continue after she said no because I was confused and yes it was a text conversation as she was busy and I was trying to look up flights as I texted her for info. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2013
Mon, 06-03-2013 - 8:38pm
Thanks for the advice @musiclover12. I think I will let it rest a little while. She has met my mom. We have been best friends since 2nd grade. She came with me and my mom when I went to find my wedding dress so she is very familiar with my family. I wouldn't mind traveling alone other than it's out of the country. If it was anywhere in the US; I'd go in a heartbeat. Mexico is a little scary for me alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2013
Mon, 06-03-2013 - 8:41pm
@ltchick She said no because she wants everyone going to all be hanging out together the whole time (my mom going would not change that) and because they only invited people that they both love as a couple, but my thing is she knows my mom way more than my husband and her love for him is just an extension of her love for me. I don't see the difference. I asked because her invite was to me and my hubby and she is kind of particular about a lot of things and I didn't want to step on her toes. She got engaged middle of April and has things almost completely finalized so she is kind of extreme about stuff which is why I asked.