My brother is back in the fold!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
My brother is back in the fold!!
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 10:07am
About 2 years ago, my brother and I had a fight. While I probably could have handled the situation better, it was his fault. Plain and simple. Even my parents agreed. This was a big deal as they NEVER take my side over his.

About a year ago, my brother ticked off my parents BIG TIME. They even changed their wills! I tried to tell them (I am a peacemaker at times) that this was a little strong and that they really need to keep a relationship because of their grandson. (I had tried to keep a relationship with my nephew, but my brother and SIL sent anything I sent to him back!!) My parents told me, in no uncertain terms, that my brother was not a nice person etc. Heck, I have been telling them that for years!

My mom had cancer and he never called to see how she was doing (did I mention that he is a doctor who has a specialty in oncology?). I called all the time, sent pictures etc. (I couldn't visit because she was so sick and the doctor said she had to be "isolated") Now she is in remission and recovering from treatment.

OK. Flash foward to this year.

Finally, at my urging, parents started a new relationship with them, trying to see their grandson.

During my mother's illness my parents had to sell her car. She wasn't driving so why have it when the money could be spent elsewhere. My mom tells me yesterday that my brother is buying her a luxury car!!! He can well afford it.

I was speechless! She said that she doesn't want to take it, but she doesn't want to argue with my brother so she is taking it. NOT FAIR!!! He can buy his way back into the fold?

Writing this down I guess it seems a little petty, but I still feel as if this isn't right. My brother and I had an argument a decade ago and my parents are STILL mad at me about it! Why should he be able to buy their affections?

Ejkdmom Come visit my store:
Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 6:52pm
Okay, I see that on the surface it seems that he has bought his way back in. But you say that he can well afford the car. I would want you to look at a different side of things. Maybe your parents and your brother started having a relationship and your brother, who has money, wants to help them out. So he buys the new car. To people that have money, it isn't always thought of the same way. To you and most people it looks like he has bought his way back to the family but to him, it may be just how he shows his feelings. Now I may be way off (it has happen before), but I would give him the benefit of doubt and just be happy that your mother is getting a car. If he is still a snake, he will show himself soon enough. Just go with the flow and see where it leads. And, hey, maybe you should hint around about needing a new house. :-)


Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 7:04pm
I totally agree with Melissa........a person always shows their true colors eventually. Maybe ( my two cents) your parents wanth im back and they see this as the way to break the wall that has been put up? Maybe they still know how he is , they just want him back and to see their grandson? I think if I was in your shoes I would be talking to them about this. Yousaid they always felt he was right and you were wrong? So what do you have to lose by asking them what happened? Maybe there is something more that was said and they just haven't told you yet? I would definitely be asking what happened. I also look at it as this is the least he could do with the way he treated them while your mother was sick. Just try to get the whole picture from them and their feelings on this. Let us know if he fulfils his promise to them and if he comes back in the picture. I hope this has helped I am sure others will be along to help also. Until then~~~~Michelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 11:16pm
Thanks guys, you have given me something to think about.

As far as bringing it up again, my mom has told me in no uncertain terms that she doesn't want to talk about it. It gets her "upset". Now, normally I would not even listen to that and ask again, but as I said, she is very weak and recovering. She is a VERY emotional person and I can see her getting so upset that she has to go to the hospital (she has gotten sick before from talking and getting mad).

I know he will buy the car, I have no doubt. But I also have no doubt that he will show his colors again, and again, and again.

It just bugs me the way they forgive/forget him all the time but they remember with me.

My mom always says that I am the reasonable/street smart person in the family, I just wish I was the person people listened to. It is so upsetting to see him all of a sudden back in the family when I never left. It just isn't right.

Hey, maybe next time there is a crisis (and there ALWAYS is on in my family), I won't help at all. Then, when it is all over, I can buy my parents something and it will be OK. No, wait, I am not my brother :(

Oh, did I mention that just a week ago my parents wanted me to APOLOGIZE to my brother for the incident last year? They acknowledged that I was in the right but they wanted peace in the family so they wanted me to say I was sorry. They said that he would never apologize so it was up to me. Needless to say, I said no. They called back later and apologized for asking, but still...

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: