My Brother Did Something So Disgusting-

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2011
My Brother Did Something So Disgusting-
Tue, 01-21-2014 - 10:01pm

My younger brother (16 years younger- and one of twins) is going through a stressful period right now, new career path, unhappy in his marriage and has been drinking a bit heavily I suspect, in the evenings.  We have always been close, as I feel like I practically raised him.  Our mother really didn't want additional children when they ( the twins) came along so she basically neglected them, did her own thing and I picked up the slack. I graduated from college, moved out , and have a very successful career and family of my own. I've always encouraged my brother to realize his full potential, encouraged him to finish college, helped him with homework or whatever he needed and he's now , career wise, in a good place. He's said many times he's very grateful for me and the support I've given him. This past weekend he texted me and was talking to me about pressure that his wife was putting on him to leave his new position so they can move closer to her family. She is unsupportive of him, and evidently they argue a lot. Somehow during the texting my brother started taking the conversation into an entirely different, not so good, direction. He had been drinking for sure, but he started making derisive comments about my husband... Who is a great guy by the way, and started making sexual comments to me...IIke "If I weren't your brother I'd do this and that to you..."  I was very uncomfortable and told him so. He apologized , and I stopped texting and went to sleep. The next morning I wake up and there are several additional messages of the same type and a picture of his genitals!  I can only imagine he must have lost his mind!  I talk to my husband about it , deciding what to do and say... But before I can do anything he send an apogetic text saying he was drunk and she shouldn't have spoken to me that way or sent pictures. I haven't responded because frankly I have no idea what to say. I'm so freaked out and disgusted that I'm at a loss for words. I don't see how we can ever have a "normal" relationship again. Suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 01-30-2014 - 11:31pm


Hi. I'm thinking your brother has suffered some kind of brain damage--perhaps from too many sports injuries. Drunkeness just does not explain why a man would make sexual advances towards his much older sister. A guy's sister might be the sexual fantasy of just about every other man who sees her, but her brother normally just tunes her out.Too much alcohol would not change this fact.

Unfortunately, if I am right, brain damage is irreversable. I agree with the others who feel you need to keep a distance from him now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 01-24-2014 - 3:06am

OP I agree with IT, your brother is obviously in an extremely bad place mentally, he's using substances to the point where all reason has obviously left him and he needs therapy.  Cut him off completely because that behavior is disgusting and not excusable no matter where his mental state is, whether intoxicated or not.  He crossed a line that cannot be crossed. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Thu, 01-23-2014 - 8:28pm


Itchick, neither you nor anyone else knows if he would say those things in person, and that's beside the point and irrelevant to the issue.  Let’s not blame technology and alcohol for the guy’s creepy, disgusting behavior.   The fact is he has incestuous thoughts and feelings towards his sister – that is a serious problem.

OP, so sorry.  You need to tell him you don’t appreciate his messages, not to every say such sick filthy things like that to you again, and to get therapy.  You also need to tell your husband, and distance yourselves from your brother for a very, very long time.  Don't communicate with him in any form.  You should also talk to a professional to help sort this out.  It's way beyond the purview of strangers on an internet message board.  Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 11:57am

Your brother obviously needs help, first for his drinking, second for any thoughts he has towards you that are completely out of bounds.  His life is not good, he's drinking, he's venting, he acting out in unhealthy ways, probably to get some kind of attention from you.  I would encourage you to encourage him to seek therapy immediately, and I would also encourage you to distance yourself from him and his issues.  He's a grown man, with a family of his own, and he needs to stand on his own two feet to deal with any problems he's having within his family.  It's not fair to you or him that you are still so wrapped up in his life that he is now acting on some misguided love for you.  I highly doubt he would have said these things to you, or exposed himself to you in person, technology makes doing things like this way too easy, especially when "driving drunk" so to speak.  

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 1:44am

I think you must cut yourself off from him for some time because such kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable, I mean a brother lusting for his sister, who mothered him during his formative years. You must stop him immediately.