My dad
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My dad
| Wed, 04-23-2003 - 7:42pm |
I posted here a few weeks ago about the hurt I felt when my dad did not acknowledge my birthday. Because we had contemplated about having friends and family go out for dinner for my birthday, he refused to go because he doesn't 'do crowds well'. Well, two friends went to eat with my family, and dad refused to go to dinner with us because those two friends were there (two friends that my brother and I grew up with, so it's not like they are strangers to my dad). After I posted, I got slammed for being inconsiderate of the anxiety he feels around 'crowds'. Personally, I don't consider two people (that he's known for 20 years) to be a crowd when you are surrounded by four other family members with whom you eat out with all the time, but that's just my opinion.
I'll be graduating in three weeks. Our senior banquet is tomorrow night. It's a formal event, and family is invited. I called my parents last week to see if they'd be interested in going. I spoke to my dad, and he said 'sure we'll go!' So I bought tickets for them (and for my bro and SIL who also want to go). My mom called me tonight to let me know that my dad wasn't going to attend tomorrow's event. Big Surprise.
So, am I out of line for feeling somewhat miffed? I am starting to wonder if he's going to attend my graduation. It will be my last one. He's attended my other two, but then again he has never acted so standoffish in the past. I feel very hurt, not because of the banquet thing......it's just so many little slights from him that are adding up to so much hurt. I just cannot believe he is acting like this. I take that back - I understand why he feels the need to shut himself off from the rest of the world. He is of retiring age and doesn't feel like he is able to retire, and he is desperately looking for other employment options just in case his boss 'gets rid of him'. He goes into his office, shuts the door, and gets on the internet looking for get-rich-quick schemes. He has done this for so long (everyday for 2 years) that he has turned into a hermit. I guess that is why I'm so angry at him. This is an important time in my life and he is completely shut off from reality. I wanted him take part in these next few weeks because he's one of the reasons why I've made it to this point. I wish he could understand how important his presence is to me.
I'll be graduating in three weeks. Our senior banquet is tomorrow night. It's a formal event, and family is invited. I called my parents last week to see if they'd be interested in going. I spoke to my dad, and he said 'sure we'll go!' So I bought tickets for them (and for my bro and SIL who also want to go). My mom called me tonight to let me know that my dad wasn't going to attend tomorrow's event. Big Surprise.
So, am I out of line for feeling somewhat miffed? I am starting to wonder if he's going to attend my graduation. It will be my last one. He's attended my other two, but then again he has never acted so standoffish in the past. I feel very hurt, not because of the banquet thing......it's just so many little slights from him that are adding up to so much hurt. I just cannot believe he is acting like this. I take that back - I understand why he feels the need to shut himself off from the rest of the world. He is of retiring age and doesn't feel like he is able to retire, and he is desperately looking for other employment options just in case his boss 'gets rid of him'. He goes into his office, shuts the door, and gets on the internet looking for get-rich-quick schemes. He has done this for so long (everyday for 2 years) that he has turned into a hermit. I guess that is why I'm so angry at him. This is an important time in my life and he is completely shut off from reality. I wanted him take part in these next few weeks because he's one of the reasons why I've made it to this point. I wish he could understand how important his presence is to me.
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Sorry, about your dad's attitude, I don't know what else to say. Just go about your plans w/out him, is HIS LOSS really! That's too bad.
I've asked him to my house on multiple occasions, he says he is going to come, but something always comes up and he can't make it. He hasn't been to one of my kids birthday parties in almost three years. I see him MAYBE at Christmas, but the rest of the year, there is no contact. I call and leave messages, but they are never returned.
My youngest sister has completely disowned him, she's 25. I'm 35 and just not ready to give up yet.
I understand your pain. Try to understand that no matter how old you get, there's always a part of you that wants your "daddy", no matter the circumstances.
Jenny
It is too bad that your father doesn't want to participate in your life. But I still think you need to just tell him how it makes you feel, cite examples of things that have happen. Lay it out on the table and walk away. And then do not expect or hope that he will change. Don't plan on his coming to any of your plans. Then you won't be disappointed that he doesn't show up. And if perchance he does show up one day, you can be pleasently surprised.
Enjoy your graduation and surround yourself with people who love you and want to celebrate the day with you. And maybe even send your dad a card thanking him for paying for your education (if he did) and know that is all you can do.
Best of luck,
Melissa