My Mom aka St.Mommy

Avatar for tykwondosha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My Mom aka St.Mommy
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 11:55am
My mother is driving me batty. Oh, sorry--hi everyone, new to the board, having a shi**y morning, need to vent. Ok, she is really pissing me off. I am 22. I have a 3 yr. old and 1 yr. old. Not married, live alone, have car, have job, have no money. She watches the kids, I pay her. She has lately been bitching about me not paying her the market rate for child care. Well if I could afford 1000/mo for child care don't you think I would have them in a center by now???

Then she tries to get me married off. But she has no frickin CLUE! She told me I should marry my psycho ex-con Houdini baby's father (ok she's not a baby, she's 3). She told me I should try to marry a coworker just b/c he has his own place, a car, and a job. She doesn't know this guy is basically trying to get in my pants and I told her I don't like him like that anyway...but nooooo. "You have to get to knoooooow him." WHATEVER!

Then she goes on her Saint Mommy trip about how I shouldn't have sex and any man I'm with, if she finds out or suspects that we're having sex, she'll be evil to him (she's done this in the past) and not allow him in her house. She has a tendency to refer to my "friends" as the scum of the earth, even before they screw me over. To her, if you have sex, you are whoring and going to hell and your future marriage will not last b/c neither spouse will trust the other b/c of the pre-marital sex.

AND THEN, she goes on to say that if I was to get married tomorrow she would not watch my kids for me anymore b/c they would be my husband's responsibility. I KNOW they would be his responsibility, but if his funds are limited (like my own) and we can't afford it, she doesn't care. She said she has done her part to help me and now I need to be an adult. But how can I be an adult when she won't even respect my right to date who I wanna date and f*** who I wanna f***? How can I have my own life if she insists on doing sneaky sh** like popping up unannounced at 7 in the morning and then getting mad b/c I'm not home? Why can't she stop pushing the Bible down my throat, 22 years is enough, I get it, I am chocking at this point. Why can't she just keep her evil passive agresssive mouth shut? Now she said she's going to put a personal ad on the net to find me a virgin who wants to marry her worldly daughter. I really need to get away from her/here. I want to move so badly, but can't afford it and I want her to be cool w/ my boyfriend but she knew him a while back and thinks he's the scum of the earth and would flick if she found out about us, even though we are serious now and want to get married when it's financially feasible.

Grrrrrr. Thank you for listening. I think I need to go smoke. Peace


Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 11:49am
First off I want to say WTG for being a supportive mommy who is trying to make a better life for yourself and your kids. Kuddos to you:) I feel for you having to deal with how your mom is acting. Sometimes I think they try to hard to push us in a way we just do not want to go. Yes marriage can be a wonderful thing if you marry for the right reasons. If she wants you to marry so she can be rid of the babysitting thing and to get you more financially stable is totally the wrong reasons and I think you know that. I think I would do this...start checking my options for daycare. I know the state will pay for daycare for single moms who are working in most states. Have you checked into this? This way you could curb the cost and get away from your moms marriage hooks for awhile. I am sure, even though she is your mom, she means no harm. Also maybe the thing about her wanting more money is that she feels like her time no matter if she is home all day is more valuable to her? That she may have other things to do instead of babysitting? I just think in order to ease tensions I would be looking into evry possibility there was that was offered to me. Hope this helped........

Also I wanted to welcome you to the board. I hope you can find some time to post here. We have a great group of people here who are always willing to help out. Hope to see you posting again soon~~~~~Michelle

Avatar for tykwondosha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 2:45pm
thanks for the luv michelle. you're right about finding other daycare, and i really would love to, i just can't afford to do it for both girls. oh yeah, i make like 7k over the limit for assistance in my state also. i would love to be married to a man who could pay for it all, but if he can't that doesn't mean i'm going to ditch him. he's my heart, and she dislikes him for "prior bad acts". oh well, i'll pray on it. although according to her, He won't listen if i'm willfully fornicating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 9:24am
Do you know anyone who knows someone who cares for children in their home? Some parents are weary of this type of babysitting but I think there are just as many good sitters out there as there are not so good ones. My aunt does this out of her home. She watches a few children in the neighborhood and they do pay her of course but she doesn't charge any where near what the daycare centers do. If you do this make sure the person who knows the sitter knows them very well. Not just "I know this lady", but if it is one of your friends family members or close friends this may work out well. They most likely will not charge as much as the centers and the only adjustment would most likely be that you have to bring the sitter food for the kids.

It is just an alternative you may want to look at.

Good luck :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 8:57am
I don't know your situation real well, only what you told us. But this is what I am getting:

You have 2 kids by two fathers. You were pregnant at 18. (do you have a high school diploma)

You are not in school as you are working full time. (by the way you talk I think I can safely assume that you do not have a college degree)

She watches your children at less than the going rate.

You smoke (taking money away from your kids).

You are dating this man who you admit has had problems in the past. Just what are those problems anyway and how old are they?

And you apparently are either spending the night with a man and bringing your children or spending the night with a man and leaving your kids with someone else.

Please correct me if I am wrong with any of my statements.

Don't get me wrong, you are free to live life as you see fit. But it doesn't look good. While your mom may be going about it in the wrong way (nagging etc.), it sounds as if she has the best intentions for you.

Part of being an adult (or as you say it being able to f*** who you want to f***) is being able to take care of yourself and your own. Apparently, you are not able to do that if you need your mom to help you.

I think this is time to re-evaluate yourself and your life and decide if there is anything else you can do to better yourself.

Please know that this is not said in any nasty way, but as a way for you to think about what your life is life. You have no reason to lie here so I think your assesment is correct.

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