my new job turned my hubby into a jerk!

Avatar for genuinelyme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
my new job turned my hubby into a jerk!
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 4:31pm
ok i just got a new pt job. I love it, I enjoy it & I like the ppl I work with also. I had been a stay at home mom 4 about 7 yrs. we have 2 daughters. 1 is school age. I work in the mornings at 7am. my hubby doesnt have 2 be into work unitl 8am. so I get up & go 2 work & he drops the kids at the sitters & goes on 2 work. now this was our plan, but now he has turned into a total jerk & I cant stand him anymore! I had a few jobs b4 but I always quit b/c I had some issues, but I have been taking prozac 4 a while now & it has done wonders 4 me & my social skills & I enjoy it so much! the sitter is his mom b/c she said that she would do it 2 spend time w/the kids. my hubby works like 10 mins from her house so its not like its 50 miles out of his damn way. he told me that this whole job thing has threw him off & messed up his routine, ok so thats my fault. god why cant any1 ever just be happy 4 me & not give me grief & bs all the damn time! if its not him its my mom or some1 giving me bs. I am so tired of all this! Im only 22 yrs old. my hubby loves me I know that but when hes good its great but when its bad its awful & here lately its more bad than good. I told him that we all have 2 get into this routine anyways since our oldest starts back 2 school soon (new school this yr) & that I would get her up when I get up & get her ready but since her bus comes at 7 & I leave at 630 that he would have 2 see her off, shes 6yrs old. at 1st he told me that he was proud of me & was gonna help me out more, that we were a team. now its like he just wants me 2 quit this job (that I really like & he knows it) it's like he is just wanting me 2 give up or something. he usually isnt this way I dunno whats up w/him anymore, he worries me. 2day I called him when he took his lunch break at his moms. I just got off work & went 2 my aunts for a while 2 fix her computer. he got pissed & said that I shouldnt went there that I should have just came & got the kids right after work. but his mom was ok he was the 1 that was upset. then he said he was having a bad day at work, ummmm not my damn fault. then I asked him if he could stop by the drug store 2 pick up our oldest girls medicine & he said "well u were supposed 2 get it, u said u would, why didnt u" & I told him that I just forgot after I got off work then he hung up on me. Im so pissed off & sad & hurt all at the same time, I dunno what to do anymore. we have been 2gether 4 7yrs & when things are good we are great 2gether, why are things going 2 the dumps now. Is it b/c Im making my own $$$$$$$$$ PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!
Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 5:30pm
Hi, I'm Melissa. I am one of the co-Cl's here at Family Matters. It sounds like you are going through a tough time. It is my job to remind you, though, that we all need to be careful about the language we type. Ivillage has the right to pull any posts that contain things against the rules. That said...

I don't really know your husband or what you have gone through before but my first impression is that he is just upset about his routine being off. Or maybe it is about seeing his mother every day first thing in the morning. :-)

You need to sit down and have a civil conversation and ask him what he needs for this situation to work because you intend to keep your job. Do you need to find a different sitter? Would it be better for you to get both kids ready for the day and then leave the oldest in his care and you drop off the younger one to grandma? Maybe his mom is just hassling him and starting his day badly. But he may just need more time and attention from you. Express how happy that you are that he is helping to make your life easier. Say all the things to him that you wished he had said to you when you were a SAHM. He may just need that ego boost.

But no matter what, you need to talk and find out what each of you wants and clearly define who is responsible for what. That way you will both know. Remember to relax and allow your family time for the adjustment.

Best of luck and let us know how it is going of you,


Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 6:44pm
I agree with Melissa - there could be several things going on here and you need to sit down and talk about how to make this situation work. Figure out what the real problems are and work on a solution. And there is a solution.

It is definitely a big transition with you going to work. Heck - I got laid off a couple years ago and was out of work for about 4 months. When I went back to work, it was a big transition for us and we don't even have kids. We had to work some stuff out.

I also want to make a comment about your question as to whether your husband was having issues because you are making your own money now. Maybe it's a minor issue, maybe not - remember, you are married so that means it's all family money. No matter who earns the paycheck, the money isn't yours or his. It's both of yours.