My sentiments exactly.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
My sentiments exactly.....
2
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 10:48pm
Thanks to all of you who posted responses to my thread regarding my babysitting my neice. I had pretty much the same feeling - she made the mess, now she's going to have to clean it up.

My mother has graciously decided to offer 2 days a week of babysitting. Okay, that's 2 days for grandma, 1 day with mommy and 4 days with me - UGH, still alot!

FALL:

The 4 YO is starting preschool in the fall on MWF mornings. She will attend day care in the afternoons (grandma can afford to help $-wise a little). Tuesdays, my sister has off. Thursdays, I can babysit. One weekend day, I will babysit, and the other grandma will babysit. HOWEVER, I need to be on permanent reserve in case the 4 YO gets sick as my sister can't (or won't) call into work if her daughter is sick.

WHAT BURNS ME MOST:

1. My husband broke his leg about 6 years ago. Obviously, he was out of work and there was no income, except for my per-diem work. I asked my mom for help financially. Her answer was "No. You need to be prepared for things like this." We ended up having to go to the food bank for 3 weeks until I could get a full-time job. My husband had to take care of our two young children while he was in a cast and I was working to support the family.

2. I'm 35 now. When I was 32, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I was in severe pain, my hands weree deformed and I was practically bedridden. At that time, my mother said to me "Look, I'm not raising your kids. You're just gonna have to learn to deal with it".

I GUESS YOU CAN ALL SEE WHY I WOULD BE UPSET, RIGHT? AFTER ALL, WHY IS IT MY MOTHER IS ALL WISHY-WASHY WHEN IT COMES TO MY SISTER, BUT WITH ME, SHE'S TOUGH?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:32pm
I can totally see why you would be pretty upset w/ your mom, I would be too...treating your sis so differently, and helping her out so much more...all I can think is, maybe she has a different set of expectations for each of you. While I don't think it is fair, I have experienced the same thing. I am only 18, and my sister is 16, but already I have seen the same thing happen. I have always been the strong one, the responsible one, the smart one, etc. It actually feels good sometimes but other times it gets old! In fact one of my first posts on ivillage was on this board, wondering why my parents expect so much out of me and practically nothing out of my sis. When I was 16 I was working at a part time job about 20 hrs a week, buying my own clothes and extras, getting great grades, etc. My 16 yr old sis is getting close to 17 and just now getting a job where she works MAYBE 8 hrs a week. She is homeschooled and going at a snail pace. She is not dumb, but she has never been made to work hard, and no one has ever really expected anything of her, but I was always expected to be "perfect". To this day, if I needed to borrow $30 to pay my cell phone bill my parents would either refuse or give me a huge lecture and ask for the money back plus interest...if it was my sis, they'd just sigh, roll their eyes, hand it over and it would never be mentioned again. Like I said it is not fair but sometimes that's how it is. The only way you can really feel good about it is just to realize that you are the stronger one and in the end yes, you made it on your own, which feels kinda good! Hope that helped even a little bit, I know our lives are totally different but I really think it's a little bit similar! Hugs, Rhiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 8:43am
Doesnt it always seems like there is a family favorite somewhere? Yes, parents go on and on how they love their children equally but i dont think thats possible. Maybe as babies but then we all develop personalities and some traits are more appealing than others. Funny thing is parents never can see it.

I think its great that your sister has you to help her like that and i hope she appreciates it! Some people take family for granted, that they will always be there when they need them and never think twice.