My teen daughter sabotages her relationships- do I get involved...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
My teen daughter sabotages her relationships- do I get involved...
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 7:05pm

I'll try and be as clear as possible but please don't hesitate to ask me questions.

Ok, so I have a teen daughter (16 ) who I believe is sabotaging her relationships with her boyfriends and friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
High school romances usually are short-lived. She really shouldn't be tied down to one guy, imo.

I wouldn't get involved more than you have. Just keep talking to her, and like the rest of us, she'll learn more about healthy relationships as she gets older and more experienced.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Hopefully someone else will come along


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

She sounds clingy, and that is a hard trait to break.

And if I were you, I would start to take a step back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008

You can talk to her, but I don't think it will do much good. You did say she's stubborn. Most young people have to learn through the school of hard knocks. Ha ha! I did. When I was her age, I could have gotten the world's worst boyfriend award. I was busy with school, sports and working at a restaurant. If a girl I was seeing got clingy, I pulled away from her. Partly because I was angry she was so demanding of my time. I regretting a few of my relationships and how they ended and had to promise myself I wouldn't be neglectful again. I began to "work on" these traits I had. It's not easy for an old dog to learn new tricks but at 16, the person is still "pliable" I was in my mid thirties, when I had my wake up call. Hopefully, hers will be sooner.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

You're afraid she'll ruin another relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
I wouldn´t worry much. She is trying to find how much she can get from a guy, like the kid she is. She must be smart and she´ll learn with trial/ error.In fact this is a learning process, let her make her own mistakes and she´ll learn from that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002

Hi...I know it's hard, when you are in involved parent, and then all of a sudden dating comes along and you have to let your daughter learn from her own experiences and mistakes. I'm still learning this myself. We have a very welcoming home and get close to all of the kids' friends, male or female. My 18 yoDD was in a 3 year monogamous relationship and he became part of our family....they broke up in Dec. and it was day someone is there at your table having dinner, going on weekenders with the family, and then bam, they're gone.

I'm still learning...all you can do is lovingly disengage, and just monitor the sex *if that's an issue*, curfews, and so forth.


Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004


I guess my first question is this: Why does your daughter need a boyfriend at all? Are girls in your household expected to date at a certain age? Does she really want a boyfriend or do you expect her to have a boyfriend? Is it some kind of affirmation she is "normal?" I ask because I wonder if she really wants these relationships right now and that's perhaps why she sabatoges them after a few months. Maybe you need to ask her: Do you want to date boys right now or would you rather not?

Your daughter may be sabotaging her relationships because she feels they are an obligation rather than something she really wants to have. I'd suggest you attend family counseling.