My wife, My best friend has left me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
My wife, My best friend has left me.
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 9:17pm
It's been over a week since my wife told me she was leaving. She came home, got a few things and told me she wouldn't be coming back. Some people said to give her space, other said to keep letting her know I was there for her. My mind is spinning. I'm trying to do the normal daily things: work, sleep, eat, etc. and it isn't easy. She says she isn't happy any more and doesn't love me. Just typing those words causes me to stare in disbelief. I don't know where she is, and she doesn't return any calls that I have tried to get to her (with family, etc.) (her family and I aren't on the best terms, to say the least). I've sent her countless emails, just to say "hi" and to let her know that I'm willing to work and do anything it will take to make things right. I haven't heard a single thing. I sent her flowers today to one of the family member's I thought she might be staying with -- doubtful she'll ever cast her eyes on them.

She was my best friend. I find myself in bed at night in tears wishing that God would send me my best friend. What I wouldn't do. I know I should have been more tolerant of her family.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, all I know is I love my wife with all my heart, she wasn't just my "wife" she really was my very best friend. I loved being with her, I love doing the most simple of things with her. Some people might say that she fell out of love with me, others might speculate that the pressure of her family and I not seeing eye to eye was just too much for her to deal with. Other wonder if there could be another "fella" in her life. I can't answer any of those things. I can only offer her my love and heart.

My future is most likely sealed -- I've lost my best friend. I guess the only thing I can hope is that if somebody else ever does read this, and finds themselves in the same or similar position, know one thing: don't give up. Hold on to that special love, give it your all. Counseling, prayer, heart-to-heart talks, what ever it takes, listen, CAREFULLY, to your partner. A true friend, and love is very hard to find. Take it from me, I really did lose my best friend.

I hope she's safe, and I hope she's not sad. I'd hate for her to be feeling the same way I am right now. One person having to feel like this is enough.

If you stumble upon a beautiful girl with brown hair and brown eyes and she looks a little sad, give her a smile and maybe a hug, and let her know how beautiful she really is. I don't think I told her enough. Or maybe I just didn't show it the way I should have.

Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 10:36pm
Oh my. I hope with all my heart your sweetheart finds this message and reads it. Here's praying for peace and reconcilliation for you both. God bless.



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 11:30am
Dear Sadfella,

I am sorry that you are going through a rough time right now. You made a very valid point - to never give up on yourself or your marriage. I hope that you will find strength in this and emerge from it a new person, and maybe whatever mistakes you may have made (since everyone does) that you learn from them and carry them into any relationship you may find yourself in. I hope that you and your wife reconsile and that your marriage and friendship will be stronger than ever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 6:15pm
I was that same person 12yrs. ago. We've been arguing alot, and I didn't know something was missing in my marriage until I met a man who was giving them to me. My marriage was lacking ATTENTION AND AFFECTION. Taking care of children, husband and a home was not all there is about marriage. Wives have NEEDS too! Flowers . . . she can get that herself.

I left for one week, but I went back, because I was miserable, just the same. I was missing my children and I wanted to sleep in my own warm bed. DH took me back with open arms, but I threatened again to leave 5 yrs. later. I threatened divorce and told him our marriage is in trouble. I recommend we seek counseling. He insisted we'll work it out. But he was trying TOO HARD. We still fight, and finding faults. I couldn't see myself filing for a divorce, and he couldn't see himself going on without me. We are still very much in love, and I also found out: it's not always greener next door. Once you get there, it's really weeds.

Your wife must have been very frustrated, as well, to leave. Your loving her too much is probably not the answer for her. Unless you KNOW WHAT WAS MISSING, only then can you fix the problem. Lack of communication is another thing that cause marriage to fall apart. DH and I are working it. Five years from now, I'll probably threaten divorce again. We've been married 28yrs. It helps if she finds a new obsession. If she's unemployed, and going thru menapause or midlife (even guys goes into midlife)crises, those all trigger a crisis in marriage.