Naive ds befriending gang member next door.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Naive ds befriending gang member next door.
12
Tue, 07-12-2011 - 9:31pm

I am not sure where to post this, but I am beside myself with concern.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 10:27am
No...those are great ideas. I could bring him to work, and let him see what happens to individuals who choose the wrong path, it can literaly be a downward spiral. Yes, I do have a positive relationship with the police department because of my work, I could call and ask and see what can be done on that end!

You are correct, he is an adult, and despite my dh telling him to knock it off and stop going over there, he was over there the night before sitting in the car with this guy in the driveway at a very late hour. Our neighbor, the mother came over and knocked on our door and asked us if we see them doing anything like that, to please let her know, as she doesn't want it happening on her property. Her son is older than mine and married, even though he is in his early 20's. *sigh* *shaking head* and I don't think he works because his car is always out front...I have voiced my displeasure on more than one occasion, but it looks like I am going to have to get nasty about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 12:23pm

Your son is an adult and while it is very wise of you to try to guide him that is about all you can do (short of calling them into the police).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 6:00pm
Hi Cat...there really isn't much to tell me, thanks for listening. I am happy to hear your son is now out of prison. I truly hope he is doing well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 5:59pm
We don't treat him like *glass* due to ADD, he doesn't take medication, nor has ever been treated or taken in for a formal diagnosis from a medical doctor for ADD. DS exhibits clear signs of ADD, and we told him if he wanted to return to school, he would then need to get evaluated. This has never been something we have used to say oh ds has ADD so he should be excused for behavior. DS does not say he has ADD. It has only been within the last few months that he has acknowledged something might be wrong. Please forget I said there are no bad gang members, I was simply trying to be objective, do you know what that means? There are on occasion gang members who do get out of the lifestyle and become successful. I don't know what the purpose of membership into this particular gang would mean...I would have to go over and ask! We aren't *allowing* anything. He simply takes people at face value, and if this kid seems nice and friendly then ds thinks he is his friend. Period. That is the way his mind works. That is really my concern. Thank you for empathizing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 07-14-2011 - 8:46pm

I understand your concerns, but I recently heard a psychologist being interviewed who said that things like "ADD" are merely a medical diagnosis.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 07-14-2011 - 9:53am
I wish I knew what to tell you. My son's out of prison now, and although he is hanging around better kids, he still goes back to visit the people that helped send him to prison.

I hope your DS sees the light soon about these guys.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Wed, 07-13-2011 - 10:51pm
Hi Wisdom, you offer all valid points, and really I am so afraid of ds becoming guilty by association or getting wrapped up in these kids. He is so impulsive and takes everyone at face value. All of your points are what I am concerned with, and I will look into our Police department, we live in a small town, and they are normally fairly helpful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Wed, 07-13-2011 - 10:49pm
Hi Sadie, it isn't that I am casual about anything, I was merely stating the facts of my situation. I was livid when ds told me of his plan to exchange alcohol for pot, and I thought it was a prior occasion. However, it turned out last night, he was over there yet again, smoking. Yes, ds works full time seven days a week doing out door work (mowing etc) So he is rarely home whining, he has always kept busy, but this is ridiculous. Yes, he is very impulsive and has ADD. He can only be friends with someone for so long before something goes wrong, and that is really where my concern lies...this kid isn't the average run of the mill friend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Wed, 07-13-2011 - 10:43pm
Hi Cat..Okay I guess I am just trying to be objective! but seriously the kid (early 20's) belongs to a gang in a neighboring town this was told by him as well as his mother. There are also *members* who come over to hang out. I also deal with them in my work place.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Wed, 07-13-2011 - 11:17am

Mom,

I think you're right to be concerned about who your son associates with, especially if you are aware of a possible criminal background of the so-called "friend."

Here's my suggestions:

1)Do you know anyone well enough in your local police department to contact them and ask them for more information about the person your son is hanging around? And would this person be willing to talk to your son and explain who he's hanging around with and the potential implications of doing so? My thought is it might be better coming from another authority figure than Mom.

2)While your son is viewed as an adult by law (over 18) his actions may directly impact you, i.e. if he is arrested for criminal activity, either because of his affiliation with this person or any other reason, you will be scrutinized and possibly be held responsible for any damages or fines resulting from a criminal process. Our drug laws currently allow the authorities to confiscate and sell any property or possessions of a convicted felon. That alone would make me want to be very clear with my son that who he associates with is important to me because it impacts the whole family. PS, If your son continues to live with you it may be worth your time to visit with a family attorney and set up your property in a trust so it is clear that it can not be legally construed as your son's property and be confiscated if he is arrested in relation to drugs.

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