nasty email from sister

Avatar for nmillerhhi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
nasty email from sister
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 11:27pm

I just got a nasty email from my sister. She is 51 and lives (free) with my 74 year old mother. Somehow, Sis managed to get herself a flu shot and didn't get Mom one. Sis quit working last February and Mom is paying all her bills as well as her own. Mom is on a pension and my sister is driving a brand new Tahoe with all the luxury options (approx $40,000). Supposedly, they are buying it together but Mom is paying all the payments.

We have a small loan we got from Mom but we are sending her $300/month. When they bought the Tahoe, Mom wanted us to increase the payments. We didn't know about the Tahoe and didn't understand why. I told Mom we couldn't afford to increase them. The loan, btw, is almost paid off.

I got angry Saturday evening when I found out that Mom hadn't had a flu shot. She had spent the day in the car with my sister, my sister's son and his girlfriend. Now, this girlfriend is about 20-21 and has FOUR kids by FOUR fathers. She has custody of NONE of them. I had heard from my other sister that all those kids were sick

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 9:42am

Hi Nancy,

I remember your situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 6:02pm
I agree with Melissa. There is no point in trying to fight a battle that you can never win, and unfortunately with your mother having alzheimers and your sister living with her, she can influence her and nothing you say will make any difference so there really isn't any point saying it.

I am sure if I was in your position I would feel exactly like you do, but I guess all you can do is trying to show your Mom that you love her - which probably means letting your sister get away with what she is getting away with because your Mom sees her as being "right".

I always say - you know you are right, you can live with yourself knowing that you are not the one who is taking advantage of your mother and in the end I think you will have to be satisfied knowing this. If you look inside your conscience and you know you have done your best - that is all you can do.

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 6:20pm
OK, first of all, it's your mom's money. If she wants to be taken advantage of by your sister (Tahoe, rent free, etc. . . .)that's her problem. She could be doing all that to your sister, because she's 'taking' care of her. Living with her means she's being taken care of whether it's in a good way or bad way. That's her problem.

Second, her son's girlfriend is NOT the problem. What about HER SON, do you think she got pregnant alone? Maybe she is a who@# and her son an S@B@# whatever, the fact is that what this girl does or doesn't do, IT'S HER PROBLEM, not yours. OK, but it will become a problem because of your mom. . . but that's another topic.

Your mom's will: if you and your other sister not worrying about her will or care if you inherit anything. THERE IS NO PROBLEM, then. As for the flu shot, maybe your mom DIDN'T WANT TO GET A FLU shot. I don't get flu shots, it almost killed me, so don't blame sis for not getting her one.


It all sounds to me like everyone are getting away with murder and you're jealous.

MY mom is doing the same thing to my sister, kicking everyone off her will, and I'm the only one helping drive her to church and errands. In the end, I might end up getting 0% and sis 100%. Right now, it doesn't matter, because she's friends w/me and enemies with her. Tomorrow, I'll be enemies with mom, and friends with sis. That's what old people do, they take who ever is kissing her @#$ today, and anyone who bites her gets their A@SD kicked.

Your mom is an adult and doesn't need protection. Just relax.