Need advice about emotionally abusive mother (just had twins three months ago)...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2011
Need advice about emotionally abusive mother (just had twins three months ago)...
16
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 2:05am

Hi! :smileyhappy: My name is Sarah and I'm 31. I'm currently on mat leave from being a supply teacher. I just had twin sons in August. I love my sons and have waited years to become pregnant! I feel so blessed to have my sons! I also have a husband who finished school for RN two years ago, and is currently trying to register in Canada to nurse here. He currently works in my parents' business. I have no other children besides my sons.

Anyways, I came here for some advice after dealing with a very hard year, and an abusive, emotionally abusive mother. My mother has kids, six grandchildren. We have had a volatile relationship since I was around fifteen. I've always been closer to my father, who I have a close bond with, but it seems to be fading, when my mother interferes.

My parents financially helped my husband, by providing him a job, and I receive my maternity benefits. We are stuck in a house with my mom's name on it, and we are currently in the process of building a newer house with more room, but my parents names are on it. We do not have the best credit histories.

Anyways, my husband is amazing dad. We both have been taking care of our twin sons 24/7 since they were born. I had a C-Section. All through my pregnancy and fertility treatments, C-section, and now raising my children, I have expected my mother to come and help me with my twins. She helped every morning for the first two weeks of August, and has since laxed to coming over one day a week, and visits for an hour. She usually brings somoene with her, whether it's my father, her best friend, etc.

Basically, my parents support us financially with providing my husband with a job, but this has all come to head over the last few months. Yesterday and today, I am so hurt, ashamed, and fustrated with her actions, I just don't know what to do anymore.

Since I have come home from the hospital, it has been an ongoing battle between her, my husband, and I about the raising of our children. She disagrees with everything we do, and continously tells me how to run my life. When I was first had my babies, she wanted to let me know she didn't want anymore children after my second brother Steve and I was an accident. Then, she said she was calling FACS on us. We are great parents. My sons are thriving and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Please tell me... why on God's green earth would you want your abusive mother to have a bond with your kids? She'll do the same things to them, you know. She's not suddenly going to become non-abusive. I think you're setting them up for hurt by letting your mother around them.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
If my mother physically attacked me, I wouldn't be buying her Christmas present right now.

I'm wondering if you'll be able to set boundaries when ya'll are out of their rent house and your father's company.

You need to get some distance from them.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2011
I agree. My husband and I have discussed this. We are going to take each day as it comes. Wishful thinking and the realistic side of it are two different things. I just want my sons' to have a grandmother, but if she won't be one, so be it. They'll have my husband and myself to be there for them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

I can understand that you were very upset when you first posted here, and it sounds as if you're a little calmer now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Nice post, Sadie.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 02-23-2010

My Mother is not the Mother I want or need....for too many years I jumped through hoops hoping to get her attention and approval.

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