Need advice about a loan gone wrong
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| Fri, 06-27-2003 - 4:47am |
Now, 2 years later, my mum's told me he's been complaining to her and other relatives that I didn't repay him. Apparently he and his wife have been making snide remarks that I must be involved in something bad (ie: prostitution) because I needed the money. I'm upset he told her about the loan because he promised me he wouldn't. The reason I went to him for a loan and not my parents was because at the time, my parents always told me I owed them big time for being a financial burden - while forbidding me to get a part-time job! (They don't dare do this now). If I'd asked my parents for a loan, they would've initially said it was a gift, then used it as "proof" that I was incapable of living independently. I felt if I borrowed from my uncle, I would need to repay the loan and thus not owe him.
I want to speak to my uncle directly about what he's allegedly said about me, but that's where it gets messy. Mum wanted me to bring up the loan at family dinner in front of everyone - she thought witnesses would be a good idea to shut my uncle's wife up. But I refused because it was crass and should be between me and him only. She got angry,then phoned my uncle to clarify the money was a gift. Later she came to my house in tears and claimed HE got angry and shouted "It's a gift alright! Don't worry about it!" and he slammed down the phone. They're brother and sister and things haven't been good between them since then.
So what should I do? Should I pay him back regardless? I hate people who only help others so they can say "You owe me something for what I've done for you". If this is my uncle's tack, I'll pay him back ASAP. OTOH I figure if my uncle had misgivings about the loan, he would've spoken to me directly. I don't know if my mum's version of events is completely true, but if I ask my uncle about it I risk making a bad situation worse.
ps: My uncle has 2 teenage boys and I'm seriously considering giving the money to them!
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I read your posts again: to make you feel better, just pay him the money and a note saying: "thank you for lending me the money when I needed it". END OF STORY.
It's the fact that my uncle, who's never let me down, suddenly broke his promise to keep the loan a secret. It's completely out of character. We've always been close. He knows my family situation and has always been supportive. He knows certain relatives love gossip and to blow things out of proportion, which is why he agreed to keep the loan a secret. I'm stunned that he'd suddenly tell my mother about it. Perhaps I'll get to hear his side of the story when I see him next, maybe I won't. Once again, thanks for you both for your comments but I'm done with this thread.
Most of us know about lending/borrowing money from relatives and, many times unfortunatly, it goes awry. Apparently, when some people lend money, they get a power trip from it. They think, I hope it is subconcious, that they have "one up" on you and are better and that they are your "guardian" because you owe them. This sometimes leads to poor behaviour on their part. The only real solution is to pay them back ASAP and don't ever borrow again.
Short story:
I had to borrow money from my aunt and she told me "If you can't pay it back, don't worry about it". Well, I was getting (not there by a longshot) back up to snuff, then she keeps harping on my DAD (who has troubles of his own so I didn't ask him) for the money back!!!! What did I do? Well, my dad gave me the money so I could get my aunt off of his back and now I owe him. Will I ever borrow again from that aunt? Not if I was again wondering how I would pay the rent (which I was). Am I mad? You betcha. What am I going to do about it? Nothing. The relationship between my aunt and me has been forever injured. Should I ever be in a room with her again and she says anything, then perhaps, but I have no plans to see her again.
OK, not so short story :)
Anyway, the only good answer here is to pay him back as soon as you can. Then you don't owe him anymore. End of story. I hope you come back to read this!