Need some advice about my dad, plz?

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cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Need some advice about my dad, plz?
11
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 12:08pm

I am 43, & I just don't know how to get past the hurt?! Maybe counseling, is needed, IDK?!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 12:27pm

Let me just add, that he has NEVER given me advice about anything, never comforted & supported me ( i guess he just doesn't know how?)

I was kidnapped & raped, when I was 14 (by the grace of God, I was able to live!!)......he never called me to talk to me to tell me, he loved me & it will all be ok, he just wanted to sue the sheriff's dept., because the guy was one of theirs.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

cat_alley
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 1:36pm
I don't know that anyone can give you advice as how to get over the hurt. I think it's an individual thing.

I am sorry for what you've been through, and for his actions, and lack of them....

FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing cutting him off again. Even if his health is bad at this point. He's had 74 years to live as he chooses, it's your turn.

I hope writing it out helps you. It always did me, even though lots of times no one really knew what to say, cause I also had some extremely bad parenting while growing up. And like you, even after.

 

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cowboys_grl
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Registered: 03-28-2010
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 1:57pm

Thanks cat....I was hoping you would respond!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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cfk_3
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Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 3:47pm
I think the answer might be in the first sentence of your post: "Maybe counseling is needed." Counselors aren't only there to listen, they can sometimes offer valuable resources to people who are or have been in your shoes. Plus, being that they have no prior history with you, they can give you honest, unbiased opinions/advice on how to deal with the situation in a healthy, productive manner.
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elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 4:28pm

Sorry for all that you've been through. Being the child of an alcoholic usually has a set of problems but you have number of other issues to deal with in addition to the alcoholism.

I also suggest professional counseling. Some issues are just too big to resolve by themselves or with a self-help book etc. A professional would probably be able to guide you through it all. You may also need help in letting go of the wish for a normal relationship with your dad because he is incapable of that.

I agree that you should not invite him to your wedding. It is supposed to be a joyful and fun day. Given the history of how your father has behaved around you there is a pretty good chance that he will do or say something that upsets or offends you and/or your guests.

sillysadie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 4:51pm

My SIL was adopted and lives with abandonment issues as well.

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cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 5:30pm

Awwww, thank you!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for lizmvr
lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 6:10pm

I don't know that you'll ever not feel sad at the lack of a good father/daughter relationship.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


-------------------------------------------------
http://www.

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cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 7:43pm

okay, yes, focus on what I DO have!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

cat_alley
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: cowboys_grl
Re: Need some advice about my dad, plz?
 Tue, 10-11-2011 - 9:03pm
If he's calling while drinking, he may not even remember you told him off.

 

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