Need some advice about my dad, plz?

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Need some advice about my dad, plz?
11
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 12:08pm

I am 43, & I just don't know how to get past the hurt?! Maybe counseling, is needed, IDK?!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 10:25am

Barring therapy, have you tried Al-Anon?

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 9:03pm
If he's calling while drinking, he may not even remember you told him off.

 

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 7:43pm

okay, yes, focus on what I DO have!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for lizmvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 6:10pm

I don't know that you'll ever not feel sad at the lack of a good father/daughter relationship.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


-------------------------------------------------
http://www.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 5:30pm

Awwww, thank you!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 4:51pm

My SIL was adopted and lives with abandonment issues as well.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 4:28pm

Sorry for all that you've been through. Being the child of an alcoholic usually has a set of problems but you have number of other issues to deal with in addition to the alcoholism.

I also suggest professional counseling. Some issues are just too big to resolve by themselves or with a self-help book etc. A professional would probably be able to guide you through it all. You may also need help in letting go of the wish for a normal relationship with your dad because he is incapable of that.

I agree that you should not invite him to your wedding. It is supposed to be a joyful and fun day. Given the history of how your father has behaved around you there is a pretty good chance that he will do or say something that upsets or offends you and/or your guests.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 3:47pm
I think the answer might be in the first sentence of your post: "Maybe counseling is needed." Counselors aren't only there to listen, they can sometimes offer valuable resources to people who are or have been in your shoes. Plus, being that they have no prior history with you, they can give you honest, unbiased opinions/advice on how to deal with the situation in a healthy, productive manner.
Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 1:57pm

Thanks cat....I was hoping you would respond!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 1:36pm
I don't know that anyone can give you advice as how to get over the hurt. I think it's an individual thing.

I am sorry for what you've been through, and for his actions, and lack of them....

FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing cutting him off again. Even if his health is bad at this point. He's had 74 years to live as he chooses, it's your turn.

I hope writing it out helps you. It always did me, even though lots of times no one really knew what to say, cause I also had some extremely bad parenting while growing up. And like you, even after.

 

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