New and need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
New and need to vent
3
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 8:03pm
I'm a 21 yr old mother to a VERY active 18 month old boy. I work nights 3 times a week(8PM-6AM) and 4-midnight on Saturdays. It's a crappy job with crappy hours but I do it because it pays better than most jobs I can get. My boyfriend works 4pm-midnight Sun-Thu and doesn't go to bed right away when he gets home, he'll stay up until 2-3AM and is a major ass when I try to wake him up weather he's had 5hrs or 9hrs of sleep. And that's just getting him up! When he's up he never does anything around the house and I have to do it all or it won't get done! I have to get up with our son no matter what. On average I get about 5 hrs of sleep and that's if I'm lucky. Also it's broken up it to 2 hrs here 3 hrs there so I'm ALWAYS tired. I've tried talking to him about it but I can't get through to him. Plus my son is a PITA alot. Gets into everything, throws fits, all that fun stuff and feel like crying everyday because if I have patience with him, I don't have energy for anything else like getting the house clean or going anywhere with friends. And if I'm fighting with my son all day I feel horrible because I know he's just a toddler and that's what they do but i'm so tired I can't deal with it without getting mad! Sorry to bother everyone with this I just needed to get it out. Thanks

Amanda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 3:05am
Dear Amanda, as a mother of 3(now grown)I have a little experience in this department. Men are men. They get better as they get older. They do need to be trained. That alone is an exhausting job. It won't help anything by my saying that, but it is a common problem. Try talking with him when you are not so tired. & in a calm mood. It is better to do this before it gets too much for you, so you don't blow up. With guys, it is best to be calm & supply them with the results you are expecting from them. Men do think in terms of "how can they fix the problem". Your little one sounds absolutely normal to me. Toddlers have lots of energy to burn. Try to remind yourself that everything he sees is brand new to him. So he is in awe. Kinda like the first time you walk into a new mall. The best advice I ever got was to relax, if the house is messy so be it. Your son is only this age once. The house will still be there tomorrow. Good luck. Chris
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 1:24am
I'd like to tell you about a true-life story - the short version:

A woman named Sheena lives alone with her six children. Their father left shortly after the birth of her 2nd and 3rd babies, twins, because it was too much responsibility for him to take. When he left, Sheena was already pregnant again. This time with triplets. At the time the story was written, Sheena lived on $700 a month income with a 6yo, two 4yo twins, and the 1yo triplets. Somehow, this woman manages to keep her faith in God. She says in the story that He always finds a way to remind her that He cares and that He's watching over her and the little ones, especially when times are the hardest. Things she gives thanks for in the story are that she manages, somehow, to keep the rent and heating bills paid, the babies have milk, and she has six beautiful children who love her.

I don't mean to minimize your own situation, but sometimes it helps to be reminded of all you have to be thankful for... that you have only ONE child to worry about, that your baby's father is still a part of your son's life and yours, you have a place to live, food on the table, and both of you have jobs.

My husband and I divorced while I was in college - I was suddenly a single mother to a 6yo boy, full-time college student, and part-time secretary. I carpooled 45 miles one-way to classes in the mornings, worked in the afternoons, picked my son up from day care and spent evenings with him, then studied after I put him to bed, often until 2 or 3 in the morning. Sometimes all night - with no sleep at all. For three years, I averaged 3-4 hours sleep a night. I lived on my part-time minimum wages, low-income rental assistance, food stamps, student loans and commodities. What kept me going? My faith in God, my love for my son, and my determination to put myself through college so I could make a better life.

My advice to you: Make a LONG list of all the things you have to be thankful for and post that where you will read it every day. Spend time with your son and your BF to build happy memories with them - these will help you cope when you are tired, frustrated and angry. Most of all, focus on the positive things in your life. Of the negative things, try to fix those you can, and find ways to cope with those you can't - just don't let them get you down.

Best of luck to you and God's grace - you can make it!

Msfit

                  &nbs

Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 9:03pm
Welcome to the board Amanda!! We are glad to have you! I hope you can find some time to post. Please feel free to jump right in and share your advice on things.

I know how it is with a little one. My DS seemed to get into anything and everything he could find plus more. He is now getting ready to turn five in about a week and I can tell you it does get better!! Like Chris said we all learn that the house will still be there when we wake up but our little ones will be little only this one time. You didn't say how old your BF was but I take it he is about your age? They do get a little better with age( good thing DH doesn't read this), but they will forever be boys at heart. You do have to "train" them to get some help or they would always think the little fairy comes down during the day and cleans. As for you not getting any sleep or help around the house. Is there any way you could put DS in a daycare to get you some sleep? My best friend runs a home daycare and she has a lot of kids whose parents work nights and they need sleep time. The state even steps in to help a lot of these parents. She keeps them while the parent is at work plus they pay her if the work midnights so they can have sleep time. She has one mom that works from like 10pm to 5am and my best friends has her children until 2pm or something like that. A little secret I am sure all mommies know ....We all need time away and help. This is a big job and we all need help sometimes inorder to be a better parent.

Again welcome. I hope to see you around the board and feel free to post. Until then get you some rest:) Michelle