New here and at a loss.....
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|Fri, 08-22-2003 - 7:25pm|
I really am at a loss and I could use some advice on this....I am the youngest of four kids, two sisters and a brother. We all have kids and my mom tends to play favorites with two of her 10 grandchildren, I had seen this years ago but just let it go, never said anything but when my son was 5 and he asked me why Granny doesn't take him places or let him stay over her house...well this hurt me because I knew it hurt him so I asked my Mom why she would always do things with those two and not the others (trying not to point out that she doesn't do things with my kids or my brothers kids just my two sisters kids) and she starts crying and saying things like "why would you say things that would hurt my feelings" so I just gave up, I didn't think she would ever see things any other way. Now granted she did baby sit these two kids when they were young but it has become so obvious that she prevers them over the others. My mother only watched my kids when they were older (9 & 11) and I seriously think it was because I was seperated at the time and I think she felt that she had to. When the kids were younger and I would ask her to watch them if DH and I were going out she always made it seem like it was such a chore and if I could get someone else to watch them she would appreciate it....of course I would always find someone else to watch them. Anyway, now that the kids are older (11&13) she is always telling me how to handle things or situations with them, I told her once that she never tried to get to know them when they were younger so don't pretend like you know them now, that I didn't need her advice and I didn't want it.....well again she turns on the tears and I hurt her so much and when I try to tell her how she has hurt, not only me, but my children she again turns it around to her and I hurt her! Well, I have tried to let this all go, just ignore things because it's easier than confronting her with it all.....BUT (you were waiting for that BUT weren't you?lol) I'm having a real hard time ignoring it all, I really feel that she doesn't like my kids, mostly my son, and it is showing, ALOT! We went on a long weekend trip with my mom and I felt that all she did was pick on my son....the poor kid couldn't sneeze without her saying "You need to wipe your nose now" We went out to dinner and we all ordered and she ordered the same thing my son and my daughter ordered and she whispers to me "does he always order the most expensive thing?" and I said to her "Do you?" Later that night the kids were bored and they were watching a movie and my son asked to make a bag of pop corn and Mom says "Didn't you eat enough at dinner?" I wanted to scream "What the f do you care?" but I controlled myself and told him yes and told my mom to ease up, then she turns and goes to her room like she is upset with me. I love my mom, I know she means well but I can't stand it anymore, I know I need to tell her about how I feel, but I just can't bring myself to because I know that she will turn it all around and tell me how hard her life is and how depressed she has been and her heart isn't good, how she takes care of her mother all the time and it's getting to her.......I know I have to say something but what? and how? and should I say things that I know will hurt her and will probably change our relationship? Geez, I hope I don't come off that I'm having a pity party for myself!
I do appreciate any advice on this or any thoughts!