New insight sheds light on old problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
New insight sheds light on old problem
8
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:29pm

Hi Everyone -

I've posted in the past about issues in my family - namely lack of support from family members, and I posted specifically about one of my brothers.

Recently I was talking to my brother's former wife - I'll call her "Lydia" - and things she told me have shed new light on this issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 1:53pm

Ouch.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:01pm

Yes, I do believe he's making the new wife priority in his life over his kids and family. As far as the "Fab Four" thing, I do agree that they are leaving their grown sons out, but it could also be a card from the "household". Since the older

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:03pm
Is this the same brother that was going to adopt?

I wouldn't say anything to him. And don't feel too sorry for him if he's regularly distancing himself from his older children. He did that, no woman could force him to.

And do you think there's any chance that they really couldn't go to his son's wedding in Mexico, but now have more money? I agree it looks bad... but sometimes it's not clear.

I've found that most any parenting advice, even to the people that could use it the MOST... won't be well received.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:51pm

I might give them the benefit of the doubt and expand the "Fab Four" to include the entire household, but for the fact this new sis-in-law has done some pretty eyebrow-raising stunts, not least of which is the fact that the invitation she sent out for the family event (their twins' baptism) is scheduled on the same day as her stepson's (my nephew's) golden birthday...no regard or nod to the fact that it is his birthday - golden or otherwise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:52pm

Thank you izzyetalmom -

I appreciate your thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 3:06pm

I think the money is a secondary issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 6:43pm

Sorry but I would call your sil on it next time you see her in person. I would take her and brother aside and say i thought the fab four thing was very cut ehowever it is rather disrespectful of brothers other children (no matter if they are grown or live w/ bio mom or what JMHO) and perhaps she may want to think through her catch lines moer carefully.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 10:05pm

It does seem that your nephews are being shut out. I was in your nephews' shoes years ago. My dad remarried and the step - monster did her best to shut us out too. One day, my dad woke up, smelled the coffee and gave her the pink slip. Now our relationship is back to where it was before. As if nothing ever happened, so there is hope for your nephews' relationship with their dad. One of two things could happen. A) He could grow a pair of cohonies and tell her to back off or B) he could grow a pair of cohonies and give her the pink slip. Hopefully one of those two things will happen.

Yes having the baptism at the same time as the milestone birthday, is a slap in the face to your nephew. You could say say something to her and your brother, but I'm not sure they'll receive it. We've talked and talked with dear Dad till we were blue in the face and it took years for him to think about all these issues. A lot of guys like to sweep these things under the rug. No offense to guys, but men generally have a low tolerance for drama.

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