Niece bashing brother, other relatives. Advice needed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Niece bashing brother, other relatives. Advice needed.
10
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 12:57pm

I've edited and edited this until I can edit no more.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999

Thanks for your reply, IMO's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 12:34pm

I would interrupt their complaining each and every time they start it up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
"one thing I always try to remind them is that emotions grow exponentially, and for every action is a reaction. If we focus on maintaining our lives in a positive manner, those actions and emotions will grow in a positive manner. If we focus on the negative, our lives will grow in a negative direction." I know this, but I don't always practice it in my every day life. I need to work on that...thanks again.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thanks Cheryl, your response actually brought me to tears. I do love her very much, and only want the best for her. I don't think she has any idea how often she is in my thoughts. I dream for her, getting an education, getting away from all the dysfunction, and building a wonderful life for herself. To bring focus back on her, instead of getting heated for remarks made about my brother, is a great tool and one that I am sure to use in the future!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999

Thanks, Liz. First of all, I no longer participate in negative talk regarding their mother, even if they try to initiate it. I learned that lesson long ago. Second, she wasn't asking for advice. It was just one negative comment after another about her father and I started interjecting. As I indicated, I wish I had just listened. I did take your advice, and tried to list reasons why I thought her Grandfather was good to her, as well as her father. All this seemed to do was make her angrier, even though I was trying to do it in a non-argumentative, non aggressive fashion. I appreciate your advice, but I think for me, the way to go is try Izzy's suggestion, and just cut her off at the pass, reinforcing the fact that I want to spend time with her, but enjoyable time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Im a big believer that people need clear boundaries in relationships.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2011

It really is so sad that often times children are the biggest victims of divorce. Unfortunately, parents get so involved in their own pain and stuck in letting divorce define their life, that they can drag the children down too.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001

I'm not a parent or an aunt yet, but I've mentored kids a little younger than your 15 year old niece; maybe there's something I can say to help.

Is she asking for advice at any point or just venting?

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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http://www.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Izzy, I don't think I could have found better advice anywhere else. I am definitely going to put your advice to the test. I do hope she learns more effective ways to communicate. I know this type of behavior is somewhat accepted at her age, but I do worry about peoples perceptions of her as she enters into adulthood. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

You could head her off at the pass.

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