No support system

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2010
No support system
2
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 1:47pm

My mom just left our home after house sitting for a week. Long story short, she shows no affection toward me. She will never initiate a hug and barely says goodbye. You try to talk with her but the conversation always centers on her and her problems. I was making my daughter some cheese sticks and heated up the marinara sauce in the microwave and it splattered all over. I quickly wiped it up while it was still wet so that it wouldn't dry and be even more difficult to remove. She criticized me for cleaning the microwave! She felt that since we just drove 5 hours I should sit down. This from a woman who leaves coffee spills and bread crumbs on her kitchen counter for days. When we were kids she would make our sandwiches and lay them on the bare table without so much as a napkin or paper plate.

She smokes and that is like the most evil thing according to my husband. He accused her of smoking in our sun room. She didn't - but she did leave the windows open there and smoke outside. Consequently the smoke and odor wafted in and got into the carpet and furniture. He took his anger out on me and my daughter - biting our heads off for no reason. When my daughter came in the house crying, I hugged her and my mom criticized me for that! Then she criticized me for all my husband's knick-knacks in the living room (I did not buy them - his family did, a whole other story). She has "borrowed" money from me over the years and never paid it back. When I was pregnant with my daughter and wouldn't loan her money she kept calling me up at home and work calling me nasty things. Then when I had an emergency c-section and complications and almost DIED she didn't even come to see me. She had no car at that time because it was repossessed due to her bad judgment, but she could have gotten a ride from my sister or even husband. She has said when I was a kid she wished she never had kids, she thought I was ugly on the inside, etc. She doesn't like anything or anybody. She criticizes everything. My husband and I don't get along and I want to leave him. My in-laws treat me like a stranger because their son can do no wrong. My brother and his family came to our house while we were away and cooked a big dinner for my mom. They never come here when we're here!! I really have no friends and no support system - I feel totally alone in the world. My father is so gullible - he buys anything a telemarketer calls to sell. My in-laws have no friends either. You cannot even carry on a conversation at their house because of their 4 dogs barking all the time. They are well off but for Christmas buy me dollar store items. They ignore my birthday but get gifts for my husband and daughter. I really just want to run away. I have health problems that make it difficult for me to do anything that requires energy. I really don't know what to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 2:34pm

Wow! I don't blame you one bit for wanting to run away. It sounds like everyone in your life is abrasive, clashes with one another and you're just sorta stuck in the middle. It seems that they feel they can take things out on you, because you're "safe". I have gone through the same things with people, because they think I'm "safe" too.

The only thing I can suggest is to not be so "safe" anymore. I don't mean that you should blow up at them or tell them off in a big way, but to walk away from them and say "we'll continue this conversation later when you're calm". As far as your mum criticizing you for wiping down the microwave, a simple "It's MY microwave" will do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 1:35am

Hi, Justme


I don't blame you either for feeling like you want to leave. You have your mother being so rude, your husband not being there for you...and your daughter seeing all of this. I do not have children or a husband, but I know what it is like to have a mother say things like "she wish she never had me" and act like SHE is such a victim. I also know what it feels like to be alone.


I know there is no right thing to say to you, and I am not going to criticize you because I don't find that to be helpful on this board...or any board really. You sound very sad. Is there anyone that you can talk to outside of your family? Like someone in church, a therapist, etc?


I really hope things get better for you...I KNOW THIS FEELING ALL TOO WELL.


(( HUGS ))