Not invited to the wedding

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2011
Not invited to the wedding
7
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 12:37pm

My childhood friend said she couldn't invite me to her daughters wedding because there was a limited budget which I completely understood. Found out she invited several other friends - I am very hurt and don't know how to confront her. We have been through hell and back together but I cannot let this go.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 8:00pm
I'm sorry you were hurt this way & your friend was in the wrong for not telling you sooner about not being invited. My DD is getting married this summer & guess who is in charge of the guest list - the groom! I'm not a happy camper here esp since originally I was paying for 60% of the wedding. Groom has huge family. 70% of the guests are from his side. DD has small family. Groom has made rule that only their aunts & uncles came come to the wedding. No parent's aunts & uncles, cousins are allowed. Well, each of his parents have 7 siblings & my DH has 4. Me I have none, so instead I asked to invite 2 of my cousins who are like sisters. Answer was no way, not allowed. Then the groom let it slip that the guest list grew by 20. When asked why, it was to accomodate the friends his parents wanted to invite. I was allowed 2 people on my friends list and they had been allowed 4 already. So I lost it & now his parents are paying the extra $2000 for their friends & I get to invite my 2 cousins & 1 more couple. So I do understand where the groom can be the decision maker & I understand the frustration that the mother of the bride can be under but she was wrong not to talk to you. I have had to tell my aunts & cousins that I can't invite them. DD decided that all of her cousins who aren't allowed to come to the wedding are now coming as friends of hers.

Sometimes, a wedding can cause more trouble than it's worth.

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 2:53pm

Maybe it's just the people I run with, but I've never had a family member or friend, including my own spouse, where the groom was the one in charge of who could come to a wedding. Frankly, I've never known a groom to even really care who was at the wedding.

Avatar for cmdonnab
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2000
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:28pm

Hi, Magoo -- I just wanted to welcome you to the board and tell you I'm sorry that this happened, and I hope you're able to come to some resolution that is more peaceful for you. I don't really have any advice -- I'd like to think that if it was me, I'd make the right call, but it's an emotional situation. On one hand, I think it's best to let it go right now, and let your friend continue to focus on the wedding, and then ask her later when she's less likely to be defensive and hopefully she's less stressed and can talk with you openly. But, I can understand the feeling of wanting to get it settled right away. I guess I'd ask myself this: do I really want to go now anyway? Was I close enough to the daughter to make it worth it, so I could go and focus on her? Or am I asking now because I'm upset?

I wish you luck, and I hope it works out where your friendship is retained and you two can work it out at some point.

Take care..

 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2011
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:23pm

Not the way we have. Had to call - she said the groom picked who would come. Told her not to call me for a while - I am way too angry. And if that was the case why didn't she tell me this ahead of time and explain? I had to find out when we met for dinner after the wedding and they all talked about what a good time thay had.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:22pm
Welcome to the board.

I've read maybe hundreds of your posts on other boards. Glad to see you here, and hope you stick around.





 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:16pm
.. edited...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:08pm

Has she been to hell and back with these other friends, as well?