not offering guest any food

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2011
not offering guest any food
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 2:19pm

Last weekend I was invited to a friends house for the day.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 3:38pm
My first reaction was to wonder why you would think you were invited for dinner when no one invited you. I believe these invitations should be formally made not just assumed. I'm not really sure why you would expect your friend to be concerned about you eating. My second reaction was to wonder if maybe you were missing a message here. Is it possible they were hoping you would leave without joining them for dinner? Maybe her her husband was frustrated that he weren't having a nice quiet dinner alone with his wife. Maybe he was tired of you being there all day.

You could have asked her if she wanted you to leave so they could have dinner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 6:09pm
Why didn't you ask her if she wanted to go eat????? Why is it responsibility? If you haven't had problems like this in the past with her I would let it go.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 6:52pm

Given that she is a good friend or friend of long standing it seems like an odd and awkward situation--ideally you two would be able to speak openly to each other, and she would either tell you that she and her dh were having a special dinner, or say that the visit would need to end at 5pm because she had dinner plans, or something like that. Since you normally eat dinner together on the days that you spend together I can see why you would assume that would be the case again that time.

I agree that you don't invite someone to view the food if you're not intending to share it with them, unless it is stated that its for someone else or a special occasion ie. "the cupcakes are for my kid's party so we can't eat any".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 6:56pm

This sounds like a good friend. One that you see often.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 5:26am
Did she specifically invite you over to have dinner? Because it sounds like you were there pretty early in the day, not necessarily for dinner - and she may have been cooking the roast as a special dinner for her and her husband. Honestly, it sounds like you may have over stayed your welcome which put them in an awkward position. They tried to wait until you left but you just couldn't take the hint that they wanted to be alone for dinner. It sounds like when she said "I guess we are not going to eat tonight" it was supposed to be a massive hint that you'd ruined their night.

Maybe there have been other times when you've been over and it happened to get close to dinner so even though dinner together was unplanned, she offered you something - but that does not mean you have an automatic invite to stay for dinner whenever you'd like. In those situations, she may not have minded because she didn't have anything else planned. Here, she clearly had planned dinner and if she did not specifically invite you to join them, you were imposing by assuming you could.

If I'm wrong and she specifically said to you "Hey, why don't you come over dinner?" then yeah, it's pretty rude to invite someone over to eat and then, well, not eat. But you seem a little vague on whether she specifically invited you or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 5:52pm

Yes, I think her behavior was odd given your normal routine with regards to eating when you're together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 10:59am

I think you have a right tobe upset. She invited you over for a day and since your days together always consisted of eating together and she even asked you to try the roast and showed it to you. I think what happened is that her husband told her he wanted to have dinner alone with your friend and she did not have guts to tell you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 1:57pm

I think you should let this pass, but the next time you are invited over your friend's house, make it a point to mention whether or not you'll be having a meal together.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 12:32am

Do every time you spent the day together, you finish having dinner?

The issue here might be that you assumed you were invited for dinner, when for their attitude, you were not.

It was just a misunderstanding. I don´t think I would do a thing like that, but once in a while we all make mistakes.

Once a friend of mine was invited with her kids to my brothers house. She arrived when my brother and his parents in law where finishing their meal and having dessert. They asked my friend to sit in the table, but they never offered her some dessert and they had theirs in front of her. YUMMY, YUMMY!: :smileyembarrassed:

How self absorbed they might have been to do such a thing? My friend felt insulted and, I think she was right, it is a rule of

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 12:38am
Did you take something to their house to have dinner together? If you didn´t probably they got upset. Just trying to find a clue of their behaviour...........