Not sure how to handle this situation...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Not sure how to handle this situation...
1
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 12:19pm

Hey guys...would like to hear what you would do in this situation, since my husband and I are kinda not sure how to go about it.

My husband's friends came to visit us for 3 weeks. They were supposed to stay just one week, but it turned into 3 (long story). Anyway, they are coming into town again, and planning on staying with us again. The problem is, they have said things that make it sound like they plan on staying here a while (like a month or even longer!). We want to make them realize that we're ok with them staying with us for a week or even 2, but 3 weeks or longer is just too much. How do you tell a friend they are only welcome in your home for a certain amount of time?

If you were in this situation, how would you handle it? We don't want to make up excuses or lie to them, but we don't want any hurt feelings either. Any advice?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 12:55pm

I would come right out and ask them how long they plan on staying, and tell them that we were both prepared to have them as guests for 3 weeks but that you've got plans together for the follow week and are unable to host them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 1:40pm

I totally agree about the etiquette, which is why this is so frustrating. They're naive when it comes to this stuff, because they live lifestyles where it's acceptable to crash at friends' places and have friends crash at their place for long periods of time. So apparently, they haven't stopped to think that we have a different lifestyle than they do (a married couple with regular jobs), and it's weird for us to have friends live with us for weeks or months at a time. Especially when they don't do much to contribute.

I know you said to try and be vague, but that's hard because he's a close friend of my husband's. So being vague would be weird, since my husband is usually so open with him. We can't use the vacation excuse, because we're getting back from one a few days before they get here, so they know we won't be taking back to back vacations like that. Even if we did take another vacation, they would say, "We don't mind, we'll just stay at your place while you're gone".

I worry about coming right out and asking how long they plan on staying, because that kind of leaves it open to them to decide, rather than putting a limit on it ahead of time. Do you think it would be rude to say something like, "You guys are welcome to stay a week or two"?

The other problem is, if we were to tell them we plan on doing some house work or other stuff, they won't get the hint that we want them gone by then. Their response will be, "No problem, do what you gotta do..it's totally cool if you do that stuff while we're here". They're completely clueless. So how do you get around that?

They won't have a place to live until after November, so their plan is to spend as much time as possible with family and friends until then, that way they don't have to spend any of their own money on a hotel or rent a place of their own. They can definitely afford it, they just don't want to. And to me, that's just taking advantage of people.

It seems like this is an impossible situation to deal with. Every possible solution has another problem to go along with it. Thanks for listening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 2:15pm

Ewww, that is just tacky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 6:52pm

Oh wow!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 9:22am
I agree with the others. Any one of these explanations will do. You could also say, I'm sorry, but we just need our space or we likke our privacy. You could also say, "it's too hectic trying to get ready in the morning with 4 people in the house.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 9:26am
say no. history repeats itself, and you don't want to open that door even an inch because they're going to find a way to wiggle inside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 1:52pm
I agree with Tim's Crazy Wife (love the name btw, lol!) I think this couple is over the top obnoxious, freeloading, manipulative. Someone being coy about the length of their visit, arguing with any of my polite social excuses that clearly mean "leave!", and taking over my life for weeks at a time would pizz me off to no end. I would not under any circumstances let them through the door!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 2:15pm

"......being coy about the length of their visit, arguing with any of my polite social excuses that clearly mean "leave!""


This here is a good point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2008
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 9:44pm

oh my!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 5:48pm
The only way to tell them is to actually tell them.