Now dad's side of the family ignores me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Now dad's side of the family ignores me
16
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 11:32am

Hi,

A few days ago I posted about my mom's side of the family falling apart. Well yesterday was my Uncle's birthday (dad's brother), so all my dad's side was invited to London to my cousin's for a get together.I was really excited when I found out myself and my bf were invited,as I haven't seen his side of the family.....aside from my Uncle in well over a yr since no one is really local,everyone is a tleast an hour away, and my bf had obviously never met anyone aside from my uncle.

So we drove to London and sure enough everyone was there,my dad's sister

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 1:26pm
I don't know what to tell you....

Except I would have been offended, also. You were an invited guest, not a babysitter.

Sorry, girl.....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 1:36pm

(((HUGS))). I don't really understand why your aunt was just looking at you and didn't come over to chat. Is she a bit on the shy side? Maybe she feels like an "outsider" and thought she could relate to you, but didn't have the nerve to come talk to you.

One thing has me a little baffled. I'm wondering why you didn't just stick with your bf while he was in a conversation. I'm sure there would have been an "in" to say something.

About the kids table issue. Are you the youngest of the adults? If there is no room at the adult table, they tend to stick the youngest adult at the "kiddie table". I had this experience myself, because my sister and I were the youngest of the "older" cousins, so we would get stuck babysitting the younger ones. This happened when we were 18 and 19 and the next oldest cousin was about 14 and very immature. They didn't trust her to babysit and knew my sister and I were good with kids. So that's why we got stuck at the table. I used to get a bit miffed, because the next youngest cousin of the adults was 2 years older than me. He was very immature too. I guess they didn't trust him to babysit either. :smileyhappy:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 4:06pm
Maybe the aunt that was looking at you was wondering why you didn't approach her? I've been in situations like you were...I've come to hate gathering even with family. I don't seem to fit in and I'm not good at starting conversations where there is mingling involved. There's a knack to it, and I don't have it. Is it that way for you or was this an isolated situation? Either way, I know it's an unpleasant feeling. I think you should contact your aunt...mention you're sorry you didn't get a chance to catch up with her. Make it a little letter. Xmas and the new year is a good excuse to send one.

The kiddie table bit was a bit much. I can see it in situations like Ginger mentions when family is close and you see them on a regular basis, but that wasn't the case with you. Like you said, it was a perfect chance to catch up with the adults in the family. I see it as being very odd under the circumstances. Is it possible that the person who placed you there don't see you as family because you are adopted? That's really stinky if that's the case, so I hate to think that is why they gave you the cold shoulder.

(((hugs)))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 10:23pm

I don't know what your disposition is, but I would have said something like, "I would rather not sit at the kids' table. I was looking forward to catching up with the adults". Sure that sounds awkward, but at least you would be accomodated.

You might have gone around in a vicious cycle at the party. At the first slight, you might have gotten a little annoyed and that put out some negative vibes and so, some people were repelled by you. No offense. This is just how I'm seeing it. If you go to a party half expecting no one will talk to you, that's just what you're going to get. KWIM?

The aunt might have been feeling just as lonely and the two of you probably repelled each other. That's my thought on the aunt.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 11:29pm

Thanks for the reply.This situation was completely isolated.It has never happened before now.My dad's side of the family and I were always quite close, like I was to my mom's side,the only difference is we don't see each other much because no one lives near anyone really.

And yes the kiddie table was a bit much and really uncalled for.I mean apparently one of the kids emily wanted to sit with me, so there wasn't really a way out of it for me,I can't say to a nine year old that I'd rather sit with the other adults.Thats just mean. But I wasn't even given the option. My Aunt like I said assumed I was sitting at the dining room table with everyone else but her daughter, my cousin was the one that then said "Emily wants hollie to sit with her so she's sitting with them"

I know for a fact that my cousin does see me as part of the family,I was adopted when I was 2,I've been part of the family for almost 21 years now.And her parents are the aunt and uncle I stayed with every summer for a week as a kid.There was never any bad blood between anyone,and the circumstances under which I was adopted are rather special and everyone in the family knows that, so I've always sort of been seen as the "special one" in the family.Plus I even babysat for my cousin when she had her first baby.

And I feel like my aunt looking at me may be

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 11:45pm
pink1988 wrote:

And yes the kiddie table was a bit much and really uncalled for.I mean apparently one of the kids emily wanted to sit with me, so there wasn't really a way out of it for me,I can't say to a nine year old that I'd rather sit with the other adults.Thats just mean. But I wasn't even given the option. My Aunt like I said assumed I was sitting at the dining room table with everyone else but her daughter, my cousin was the one that then said "Emily wants hollie to sit with her so she's sitting with them"

Well there's your answer on the kiddie table. Your cousin felt it would be mean to say "no" to Emily too. She did what was easiest for her. She said "yes" to Emily by arranging for you to sit at the kids' table. Did you want your cousin to rescue you by

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 12:09am
Yes, the cousin should have told Emily, "no, she's sitting with the adults."

JMHO.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 12:15am
cat.alley wrote:
Yes, the cousin should have told Emily, "no, she's sitting with the adults."

JMHO.

Yeah, but check this out. OP doesn't want to say "no" to Emily. But she expected the cousin to somehow, get her to sit at the adult table? What she didn't want to do (say "no" to Emily) she's expecting the cousin to do. How else would she sit at the adult table unless someone says "no" to Emily.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 12:22am
Ok, I must have missed part of it. I see now that Pink didn't want to say no to Emily.

I thought the cousin just did it on her own, and Pink was stuck at that point.

I'm confused, haha. Nothing new! (been a long, long day!)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 12:26am

I hear you. It's been a long day for me too. I should get to bed because I'm

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