Is Our Friendship Over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Is Our Friendship Over?
3
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 3:42am
here's the situation i'm dealing with: my close friend/former roommate of 5 years, Marie, broke up with her boyfriend (who no one is very fond of) 2 weeks ago because he got a new job in boston and he didn't want a long distance relationship and she couldn't just pick up and leave her teaching job.

so to make her feel better, we had a party for her at our apartment (my BF and i live together), lots of ppl came, it was lots of fun. in addition, for a few weeks we had planned on ordering a wrestling payperview (that we usually all watch together every month) the following sunday. so a week passes, it's last saturday, the day before we made plans for sunday nite. i call Marie to find out what time she's gonna come over, etc. she never calls back. then sunday afternoon i get an IM from a mutual friend, his name is Jon, asking if we can call him so he knows what's going on. so my BF calls him, and Jon tells him that Marie has gotten back together with the EX and so she might not be coming to our shindig.

well, don't you think it would be appropriate if Marie were to call me herself and let me know why she's not coming, especially after when she really needed me i was there for her? okay, there's another thing wrong with this picture. Jon is really Marie's friend, we just kinda know him through her. he doesn't call us regularly, he doesn't have our numbers, so shouldn't Marie be the one telling us all this? so i'm thinking, well Marie wouldn't just diss me for this guy, at least not without calling first. well, she never calls.

she calls monday nite and leaves a msg claiming that she left her cell phone at her house so she wasn't able to call me to let me know. she claims to have told Jon to tell us she wasn't coming. okay...if Jon doesn't have our numbers, how is he supposed to do that? and if she's really a friend, shouldn't she be the one calling? and why is she dissing us for this jerk when she just broke up with him, and i was there for her, but all of a sudden he comes running back so that's good reason?!

i dunno, i'm very upset and still very hurt, even tho this happened a week ago. i dunno if i should call her or how i should react but i'm really hurt; how could she not call; that cell phone story sounds like complete BS. if we were counting on her she should have found some way to let me know what was going on, not calling the day after.

i dunno....i'm just confused and i dunno if i should talk to her or how i should approach her or if i should even be friends with her. that's what's been on my mind lately. i dunno what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 5:34am
Sometimes when people get involved in romantic relaionships they can tend to kind of "put their friends on the back-burner." My friends flake on me all the time and vise versa(its kind of a mutual thing I guess). Maybe she's stressed and still going through a rough time trying to figure things out since she got back together with him. Yes, she should have at least had the decency to call you and let you know she wasn't coming. That was bad on her part but forgivable. Next time you talk to her explain to her that you were upset by her actions and next time to call you. If she is your best friend I'm sure your friendship isn't over. Just try to work things out with her and move on. I wouldn't worry to much about it:~) GOOD LUCK

Nicky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 10:45am
Well, you know the girl. Is she usually inconsiderate? If she usually isn't then put it down the the fact that she was confused and upset re the bf situaion, and wasn't thinking straight. Its all down to her usual character. If she is normally a great gal then just put it down to temporary mindlock due to the overwhelming nature of the breakup/makeup. If she has had a pattern of being inconsiderate when she has a man to keep company with, then rethink your friendship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 10:40pm
i did write her an email a week ago telling her that i support her. if he makes her happy, then i'm happy. i also mentioned that i wanted to get together to work it out and talk about it. i'm still not quite sure what i would say to her so i feel like i can't call her. i feel like i need to talk to her face-to-face, i'm still hurt. but it's been a week since i emailed her and i'm wondering if i should wait for her to contact me or if i should keep trying. a part of me feels like, well, she's the one that has some explaining to do, why am i chasing after her?