Parents coming to visit, dreading it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Parents coming to visit, dreading it.
15
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 5:33pm

I need advice!! I'll try to make it brief. My parents invited themselves

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 6:54pm

If they weren't really invited by you...You said they "invited" themselves I would calmy call them and say I am sorry the timing of your visit isn't convenient.

Do what you have to do.

My beloved Mom is passed away but my dad showed up here out of the blue expecting Thanksgiving.

Not happening!

My daughter is in the hospital and I thought it was selfish of him to expect that...

He ended up spending the majority of his visit with older ONLY brother.

Worked for me.

Saddened that he bailed on his promise to visit my daughter, his grand-daughter but quite honestly didn't miss the stress!

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 8:31pm

Ha, thanks but that would never work. They would be insulted beyond belief and there would be lots of drama and complaints to my siblings about how rude we are "after all the help we've given them."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 9:30pm

When they start complaining or givng you unwanted suggestions, just say "I'll have to consider that".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 10:05am

How do you currently respond to their criticisms?

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 12:34pm

If it were me, I wouldn't engage in any negative conversations with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 3:47pm

I think some older people go to

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 6:59pm

Thank you everybody for the ideas. As far as how we have traditionally responded, and this goes for my siblings/spouses too because I've seen it happen, we usually either just ignore it or often defend what we are doing because we think it's right. Like for example when my mom stood out in the driveway and loudly criticized the new paint color of our neighbors house I didn't say anything, I just tried to help unload their car quickly and get them inside as soon as possible. When she was standing in my kitchen looking at how much food I was cooking before dinner and exclaimed like she was in shock,

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 10:43pm

I am glad for you that it is ONLY coming from one set of parents.

We really don't know what's up with my dad.

Actually hadn't seen him for a year.

My dad hasn't been actively involved in our lives.

My kids and my sister's kids have basically grown up without him.

Same for my ex-husband and his family.

Not one have them have been to see my dd once and she has been in three hospitals and back to one over a period of several weeks five actually, over a month.

My dad promised her we would come and see her over Easter week-end...never happened.

MIA yet again.

That is why I had serious reservations about him just showing up univited.

My ds always dreads this as my dad tends to ruin holidays.

Like he ALMOST ruined this one.

Never been a positive my younger sister says.

He told me he was going there for Christmas, my sister said they won't be home.

He is very negative and she won't stand by and allow him to ruin their Christmas.

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 4:07pm

You are grown up and should be able to defend the comments to you....if you can't they have no business in your house. My Mother is like this and she doesn't come over anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 5:43pm

Hi Swimersize....are you the proposed community leader who is a MIL???

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