parents cross boundaries too much

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
parents cross boundaries too much
12
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 7:30pm

I'm in my mid-30s and although I'm in a 3-year serious relationship I'm very happy with, my parents simply cannot stop asking me when I'm getting married. They have always considered our family "close-knit," assuming that their children have no reason to be uncomfortable talking to them about anything. The truth is, I don't like to talk to them about my personal life. However, my father in particular feels that if I cannot give him answers to his questions about my relationship-- when are you getting married? Has he talked about it? Have you brought up marriage? Why not? You're not getting younger, do you realize that?--then there is something terribly WRONG. I've tried to tell him nicely that it's none of his business, but he just shrugs off my words and says, "you're my daughter therefore you are my business." It makes me feel like I'm his property, not his daughter. He calls me once a week and because we live in the same city, he asks me to meet for lunch, but those lunches end up turning into grilling sessions. I no longer want to meet up with him. The last time we spoke he told me I'm going to end up becoming an old maid. What a wonderful thing to hear from one's father, no? Honestly, it all just makes me want to pull away from him, and my mother doesn't help much either. She's all up in my business too. Most of them time whenever I talk with them on the phone both of them get on the call and start yelling at me about my age and that I should dump my boyfriend.

I don't know what to do anymore. I know some might say, they're your parents, they're getting older, that's just how they are and they love you, but quite frankly, I'm sick of it and I'm sick of their lack of respect for personal boundaries.

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Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 6:16am
I don't believe anyone said "cut your parents out of your life completely". I suggested limiting time with them as a last resort if they continue to disrespect her boundaries. Not cutting them off completely. As far as I can see, no one suggested that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2011
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 11:11pm

I so feel your pain! I have been there, when my mom was asking me when I was going to have kids. After a while when the subject came up I wouldn't say anything. She would finally get the hint. About your parients: You should just ignore them. If they call you, let them leave a message. Perhaps you should do what I did and write a letter. Your parents needs to know (especially your dad) that saying that you will end up an old maid is not cool. They should be there to support your happiness. Your parents came from a different era where you got married earlier, and weren't usually in a relationship for 3 years and not be married. They are afraid of heartache for you if things don't turn out well. Well, things will turn into heartache for them if they don't leave your love life alone. Good luck!

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