parnets infedility

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
parnets infedility
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 11:55am
My parents are both in their 70's and have been married for about 50 years. I thought they had a great relationship, but this weekend, my mother walked in on my father having sex with a neighbor. They are both looking to me for support and honestly, i don't know how to support either of them. I want everything to go back to "normal", but I know it cannot happen. She wants a divorce and I cant blame her, but on the other hand, they have been together for so long, i honestly don't think either can survive without the other. So here i am, stuck in the middle, where I don't want to be. I know I am being selfish, becasue I am thinking of myself and my wants, while trying to help them with thier problems. Has anyone been through this? I need help! My father doesnt want to leave my mother, he admits this was stupid and he acted without thinking. He wants to work things out, but she cant even look at him. I dont want the responsiblity of helping both of them get on with their seperate lives and i dont want to take sides.

I can use whatever advise anyone has...thanks

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 1:52pm
Wow, believe me, I know this is a hard place to be at. It happened in my family too.

Your father just wants to forget and go on but women are not wired that way. We just can't forget.

Your parents need a counseling. Find a good one and sign them up. They need to get at the root of the problem and see if the problem can be fixed.

My best advice is for your father to move out and if he wants to stay married to your mother then he needs to "win" her heart again. Date her and show her his love. She can decide when and if she is ready for him to move back in. (Or maybe they should move since it was a neighbor women)

As far as you, just tell each of them that you love them but you refuse to get in the middle. Refuse to listen to them talk about each other. Encourge the counseling.

Good luck to you. I wish the best for each of your parents. Let us know how it is going.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 4:30pm
Eewww. Double eewww!

I wouldn't want to get involved or hear that from my parents *ever*.

If you don't want to get involved, don't. I would tell each of them the next time they try to bring it up that this is their business, you love both of them equally and you hope they can work this out, but as their child you are not comfortable discussing these intimate details with them. And leave it at that.

If they try to continue the discussion, just repeat it again like a mantra.