Pay or not to pay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Pay or not to pay?
32
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 9:31pm
This is a long story, but will try to make it short! I have not had a relationship with my mother for many years due to sexual abuse caused by my father and her failure to acknowledge. Fast forward she is in her 70's but in good health, physically. Her sister keeps calling our home asking me to pay for my mother's end of life expenses. Last year I told her we didn't have that kind of money and now the phone calls have started once again. I have tried to ignore her, but she will get one of my children on the phone and start talking to them.

We still cannot afford that kind of expense. I am in the process of looking for a full time job as it is and the taxes on our home are coming due at the end of the month. We are stresses financially.

I haven't spoken to my mother in years. The last time we went and picked her up 1200 miles away and brought her to our home for a visit. My mother has always had a mean streak, but she argued with my dh the entire time and before we drove her back, in front of my children she called me a b$&@&h and a s&&t because I remarried. It was horrifying but not surprising.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? I don't know how to make this lady understand we cannot give her any money!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 10:36am

She will understand when you don't give them the money. You can't give what you don't have and if your aunt is so worried then let her put up the money. If you had a different relationship with your mom you probably would have tried to make the effort to help out. But she was never there for you and is still being mean and nasty which shows she has not changed. She is almost a stranger to you and I would not put myself out to help her either. I would be firm and say you calling me is not going to make me have money I don't, so don't call here any more thinking you can bully me into giving you something I don't have. People think just because someone is your mother that you owe them, but don't consider that sometimes there is only a blood connection and that that person is not really your mother in the real sense of the word. She was not loving, caring or there for you when

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 7:56pm
Hi Keeping...Yes, my aunt is aware of the abuse and even called our home at 6 in the morning one time, of course we didn't pick up the phone, and proceeded to leave a message detailing her own story of *abuse* growing up. In an attempt to relate to me, I suppose. I never called her back that time and that was over a year ago, but yet she still called! Some people just don't get it! Simply because we work doesn't mean we have any money!!! Colorado is much more expensive than the small town they live in Kansas! My mother in law has been more of a mother to me, and she has been such a blessing. Thank you for understanding and the words of support!

Pages