Pay or not to pay?
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Pay or not to pay?
| Tue, 05-31-2011 - 9:31pm |
This is a long story, but will try to make it short! I have not had a relationship with my mother for many years due to sexual abuse caused by my father and her failure to acknowledge. Fast forward she is in her 70's but in good health, physically. Her sister keeps calling our home asking me to pay for my mother's end of life expenses. Last year I told her we didn't have that kind of money and now the phone calls have started once again. I have tried to ignore her, but she will get one of my children on the phone and start talking to them.
We still cannot afford that kind of expense. I am in the process of looking for a full time job as it is and the taxes on our home are coming due at the end of the month. We are stresses financially.
I haven't spoken to my mother in years. The last time we went and picked her up 1200 miles away and brought her to our home for a visit. My mother has always had a mean streak, but she argued with my dh the entire time and before we drove her back, in front of my children she called me a b$&@&h and a s&&t because I remarried. It was horrifying but not surprising.
Has anyone ever been in this situation? I don't know how to make this lady understand we cannot give her any money!
We still cannot afford that kind of expense. I am in the process of looking for a full time job as it is and the taxes on our home are coming due at the end of the month. We are stresses financially.
I haven't spoken to my mother in years. The last time we went and picked her up 1200 miles away and brought her to our home for a visit. My mother has always had a mean streak, but she argued with my dh the entire time and before we drove her back, in front of my children she called me a b$&@&h and a s&&t because I remarried. It was horrifying but not surprising.
Has anyone ever been in this situation? I don't know how to make this lady understand we cannot give her any money!
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She will understand when you don't give them the money. You can't give what you don't have and if your aunt is so worried then let her put up the money. If you had a different relationship with your mom you probably would have tried to make the effort to help out. But she was never there for you and is still being mean and nasty which shows she has not changed. She is almost a stranger to you and I would not put myself out to help her either. I would be firm and say you calling me is not going to make me have money I don't, so don't call here any more thinking you can bully me into giving you something I don't have. People think just because someone is your mother that you owe them, but don't consider that sometimes there is only a blood connection and that that person is not really your mother in the real sense of the word. She was not loving, caring or there for you when
I also don't want my children to feel obligated to care for me either or to be a burden, because as much as they love me, I will be to a certain point if they are forced to care for me when I am old. My mother in law was worn out physically and emotionally from caring for her parents.
As the mother of grown children, I am curious as to why you think a grown child owes their parents a roof over their head and food in their stomachs?
The only thing you owe her is make certain she has a roof over her head and food in her tummy.
Just wondering, who is listed as your mother's next of kin or who has Power of Attorney? Shouldn't that person be the one handling this issue? And is your aunt correct that your mom cannot be cremated for religious reasons?
Sorry for your loss, cat!
I don't see a problem with people spending any amount of money they want for their funeral... as long as they can afford it on their own, that is.
Sorry if I was being bitchy. Just buried a family member a few days ago.
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