Peace at my house....but at a cost

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Peace at my house....but at a cost
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 3:58pm

I posted back in December about the issue with our oldest living with us.

I did get a lot of good advice and finally had a talk with her. We basically told her we knew she had income coming in and that she could not expect us to pay for her dogs, kids, and expenses.  During this time she went on a cruise, a trip to New Orleans and has another trip to San Diego and a cruise in March.

So she moved out last Sunday, didn't even say she was moving, just started packing up her car.  We asked her where she was going and she said, I willl let you know when I figure it out.  We knew where she was going as it was the only friend who had space, and our granddaughter also verified it by telling out 13 yr old.

She then spoke to her sister in law and told her we kicked her out.  Now my adorable DIL knew that wasn't fact as we never kick anyone out of our home, but if they have income, or are not disabled, we expect them to help out, buying groceries, or helping with chores.  Our oldest did neither. We know her siblings won't believe her if she tells "her version" of what happened, but it still hurts.

My main worry has come to pass, she left, didn't tell us where she was going (though we know) and we will find out Spring break, or Summer break, when we want to spend time with the grandbabies, if we are to be punished for requiring her to act like an adult.

Last time she left we didn't see our oldest grandchild for almost 2 years.  Hope she doesn't act this badly this time.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 4:48pm

I am not a regular on this board, but when a highlight catches my eye, I like to reply.  I have two grown children and also have a 13 year old at home.  

I don't know the back story, but it seems pretty clear you did the right thing.  Obviously if your DD felt safe enough live with you and allow her children to live with you, there is no reason to withthold the grandchildren from you.  It just a shame to see that.  Under other circumstances it is sometimes appropriate, but I don't see that to be the case here, or she wouldn't have been living with you.  

I know that sometimes I scratch my head and wonder "where did this kid learn to behave this way?  They sure didn't learn it from me!"  That can go either way, though.  Wink

I am sure it is painful, but we had to send my SO's DS back to his dads due to his sticky fingers.  It is hard to watch, as he is now 18 and pretty much homeless.  No relative wants to live with a theif.  

I gotta' go.  Hang in there, you did the right thing for your DD.


Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 8:18pm


Your oldest feels entitled to live on someone else's dime. How dare you ask her to pay toward expenses and contribute to the housekeeping! :)

I take it because she was living with you with her children she is divorced or not living with the father of her kids? Perhaps that's why she's separated. The man in her life was tired of paying her way, too.

Stick to your guns about your principals. These type of people always land on their feet: they find someone else to sponge off of.