iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 9:56am

I have posted here before regarding my mothers sister, who has called me repeatedly, sometimes several times per hour, demanding that I call her and discuss my mothers end of life I will pay for it, and what I want done with her body when she passes away.


Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 10:15am

"I don't know if the aunt has told this facility that it is my responsibility and they will come calling when she passes. I will then be on the hook for money that I don't have to bury her. We almost live paycheck to paycheck as it is. I am worried that simply because she is my mother that I will be held responsible!!!!"

While I don't know where you live or the laws there, I would doubt that just


Clinical Research Associate


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 11:02am
I think you gotta stop answering the phone....cuz from the sounds of things, AUNTIE isn't getting it!!!

I agree with Liz---BLOCK all her calls.

And then look for some financial advice.... I was able to find an online article that basically said: "Upon their death, the estate would be responsible for the debt, any assets might be taken to cover the debt. Who ever is the power of attorney would be responsible for over seeing this, but not personally responsible"

So I'm not sure you personally would be accountable for her debts, when/if she dies. Her estate is responsible for the debt!!

I'm sorry she's not hearing what you're saying & not respecting your wishes. I can only imagine how frustrating that is!!! Good luck.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 11:36am
I hope you don't take offense, but I have to wonder just how forceful you've been in dealing with her. Sometimes it's ok to intimidate and put the fear of God into people. Just this past Sunday, I scared a young man so bad he agreed not to drive down my road anymore. And I believe he won't, at least not for a long while.

Are you and this aunt close at all? If you're not close (at all), you can pick up your phone when she calls, and saying just the right things to make her so uncomfortable, she probably won't call back. But if she did, you could attack her even worse. To the point that only a mental case would dare call back a 3rd time.

My methods aren't for everyone, but your phone is your phone, and you can defend it if you really want to.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 12:56pm
Hi Cat...No we are not close, and I haven't lived in the same state/town in 12 years, and even when I did, we never spoke or got together for holidays etc. The only contact I have had with her in all of these years is regarding this particular issue. I have not spoken with her...she leaves these messages demanding that call her back. I don't, then she will call back, sometimes within 20 minutes of the last is absurd! She faded away for awhile, most of the summer I did not hear, and thought my letter had worked...I guess not.

I totally see what you are saying about being forceful and to the point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 1:19pm

I agree with cat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 1:32pm
<< I totally see what you are saying about being forceful and to the point. >>

That was sweet. Try that first, and then get back with me. ;)

But seriously, my only other advice right now is no more letters or e-mails. You want to get through to her? You tell her on the phone and hold nothing back. Don't go into the "whys", like why you don't have contact with your mother, or your financial situation.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 1:47pm
Sadie, she's not getting drama, cause she's not answering the phone anymore, for awhile now. But naturally she would still be upset at the never-ending messages on her machine.

<< Or, if it's more your style, tell her to "shut the f up" and hang up on her EVERY TIME she calls. >>

That's a good start, but not quite far enough.

Jakesmom should pick up the phone next time, or call her back, and let her know in no uncertain terms that her phone calls won't be tolerated anymore. Not even to her machine.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 2:13pm

Draft a cease and desist letter and have it notarized and mailed certified. If she continues to harrass you file charges against her.

As long as you continue to tolerate her behavior by lack of action on your part, she will continue to badger you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 3:50pm

I suggest at this point you consult a lawyer just to put your own mind at ease that you will not be held responsible for her debts and burial.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Sat, 09-03-2011 - 11:36am
" Who knows WHY this is so important to her and why she continues to bug you about it...the point is, she's asked and you've answered the question and you don't need to allow this cycle to continue. "

I'm gonna play Devil's advocate here.... it sounds to me like you're suggesting that Jakesmom is to blame here & that she's not doing everything in her power to stop her aunt.

But.... She's made her feelings known, she even sent it in writing!!!. To sounds like the aunt is continuing to call Jakesmom in hopes of wearing her down! Sometimes no matter what you say....people just don't get it!!!

Thanks for letting me share my 2 cents....