Possible Impending Move, But I Want to Stay Put

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Possible Impending Move, But I Want to Stay Put
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 5:05pm

Hi everyone,

I could really use some sound advice.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 6:54pm
Unfortunately, the state of the economy dictates we have to compromise to be employed. Millions of people are unemployed and not living their true lives and they aren't happy....your husband's self esteem has taken a hit and it's important that he's employed...if that means an out of state job then your family has to support him.

I've been unemployed since Oct 2009 and I hate it. I have health issues keeping me from getting a full time job and I'm not living my true life but I have no choice and MUST adapt.

Don't burden your husband with your fears of moving out of the South....hug and kiss him and tell him whatever he needs you will be there for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 7:29pm


Well? I have also been unemployed since last year so I guess that isnt too bad..but yes I hate it also...

I live in the suburbs of NY with family and because i am out of work I cant afford to live anywhere else ... and I truly am struggling big time and I cannot stand living with family...

I do understand your concerns as NY is a very pricy state ....but you have to way out the good and the bad. I can tell you that the taxes are higher and insurance is higher. Rents and housing are high and all around lifestyle is expensive around here.

Do you know how much your husband will make??Do you work? Will you be able to work part time in NY?

Will you sell your house down South or rent it out? Can you scale back on everything humanely possible if you have to.

I mean its not totally hopeless or impossible if that is what you have to do.. I mean you have to take alot into consideration.

Do you have savings you could use for awhile? Can you live in a less expensive neighborhood in NY if you had to?

You dont have to live too high off the hog but I will tell you that it will be a major adjustment.

I would worry more about your dd and the fact she has to leave her school and friends. That would be more important than anything else. Yes; You should support your hubby cause if he is the major breadwinner what choice do you have.

Oh; NY is also a great city and state. Lots to do and there are lots of free things around to enjoy.. Its exciting and thrilling and there is always excitement that just fills the air.

There is so much culture and different ethnic foods to enjoy anytime you want.. Take out is good and there are alot of fast food places around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 8:24pm


You need to sit down with your DH and make sure you can afford to make such a relocation first.

I dont know about where you are at, but where I live (burbs of Atlanta) home prices have dropped so much we can't afford to sell our house, we would lose about $60K.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 10:44pm
A team of horses couldn't drag me out of the South to NYC. Been there many times. And when I have moved out of state, I always came back south.

I don't think you need to hug and kiss your husband and tell him you'll do whatever he wants. It's your life, too, and your daughters'. Do you work? Is your income enough to keep you afloat until he can find another job in the South? He's been unemployed for less than 6 months, and if you feel very strongly against moving, he should take that into consideration. Your 19 y.o. may be of legal age, but I doubt she'd be fine with her entire family leaving her down here alone.

Did you discuss the move with him before he flew up there for the 2nd interview? Does he know at all how you feel?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 5:40am
Thanks, everyone, for your responses. It's always good to hear someone else's opinion. No, I don't work...I've been a stay-at-home mom for almost 20 years now. Yes, I could work, but I choose to be home until our youngest daughter is off to college. That's very important to both my husband and I.

My husband and I have talked at great lengths about my concerns with moving to NY. Thankfully, he is very understanding and empathetic. I've never been to NY myself,but I've done a ton of research. There is no way that we could relocate to NY on the salary I think they might pay him and come out ahead. Now, if we were to remain here in the south, we'd do quite well. In fact, probably better than we ever have before. That's if the company would allow my husband to work out of a home office and fly to NY only as necessary. When he came home last night from the interview in NY, he seemed to think that the company WOULD allow that to happen. I was so stressed when he walked in the door just thinking about all the possibilities that I fell to pieces when he asked me what was wrong. He wrapped his arms around me and assured me that everything would be OK. So, I'm praying that's the case. I do support my husband 100% and have for every one of the 6 relocations we've had to make with his job. However, we're at a different place in our lives right now and neither one of us wants to leave this place we've called home now for 6 1/2 years. I would die if I had to go off that far and leave my 19 year old daughter behind in AL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 11:35am

My husband was in the Army and we moved 19 times in 20 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 12:23pm



Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 12:35pm
Hi Doxie, I'm a southerner as well. I was faced with the possibility of a move to NJ several years back. I went to visit a few times and it was pure culture shock. (Luckily, I was able to remain in the south.) I hope everything turns out well for you and your family! My thoughts are with you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 1:48pm

While I agree that jumping at the first opportunity may not always be the best idea, in this economy, things have changed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 10-28-2011 - 1:58pm
If one assumes 15 foot of snow this winter, they're likely to get it.

Sometimes one must assume the worst, cause it's likely to happen. ; )

I think the OP is looking at a much longer stay in her new place than you did in your many moves, correct? 19 moves in 20 years? Even for the military that sounds excessive, and not what most people looking to relocate would be facing.... as in hey, if I don't like, it I'll be out of here in a year or less.