Prob with dad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Prob with dad!
3
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 3:54pm


Well I was looking for a Dads and Daughters board to post on, but I couldn't find one. SO I think that I am in the right place. I want to apologize first because I know this will be long and a bit confusing so I will give you some background.

- The man that I call Dad is not my biological father, but has been in my life since I was 2. My dad and mom separated when I was in 6 th grade. They had a very turbulent relationship at the end but we chose to forget it so that we could all still be friends. My dad had 2 kids from his first marriage, they lived in LV but my dads job transferred him to CA (where he met my mom and me) he would regularly fly them out to come see him. They hated me then and I never understood why, but now that we are older we have a really good relationship. i.e. calling each other on holidays and B day and just making sure we hangout together when we are in each other state. We will call my stepsister T and she is 23 and my brother M he is 22 and I am 18.

Ok now that that is out of the way this is what is happening. About 4 months ago my dad asked is GF to marry him. I thought it was strange when he asked her because he never really was that in to her and they had only dated a short time. But I just went along with everything.

The about 2 months ago he when to go see my step brother and sister then came home and said, and I quote " I am going to move out to Las Vegas because I am so happy when I am around my granddaughter" (My step sister got pregnant when she was 17 and graduated high school pregnant and then married the babies father who is the biggest a** ever!!! My whole family hates him!) That comment really hurt me. I just didn't understand why he needed to go. But yet again i got over it.

I am a very hard working person. I work a part time job. And I am going to college and taking 15 units. And in July of 2004 I am sending my self to Australia to meet up with some friends I know. And in 2005 I am going on a program that for 4 months I will be traveling to 11 different countries all the while going to school on the boat and attending daily classes. I have so many goals in life and I will reach them! About 5 moths ago I bought a car. I made a deal with my parents that as long as I am in school my dad will pay my insurance and my cell phone bill and I won't have to pay rent at my moms house.

Well my dad is moving to LV tomorrow and he called to tell me that he couldn’t pay my insurance or my cell phone bill any more! I was in shock! He asked if my mom and me can afford it and I said that there was no way! I asked why he can't afford it and he said because when he moves he won't be working anymore! Ha! There is the motive for marrying his GF, she is going to take care of him! I am so mad. He is already moving to see my stepsister who screed up her life. And now I am being punished. For what? For being the only productive kid he has! For being the only one in his family to go to college! I am so mad and so hurt by all of this I don't know what to do. I want to scream at him and hit him! This is not fair! I am the only good kid and he acts as if it doesn’t matter.

I can live with out my cell phone! But not with out a car. How will I get to work or to school? There is no way. There is not enough trolleys over here. I would have to walk about 5 miles just to get to school and my first class at 7:50am.

I have to go over to his house tonight and exchange presents. I want to through his at him and leave. I am suppose to be in the wedding that will be in March but I am really considering that he doesn’t help me and if he backs out of his part of the deal that I am just going to for get him. I won’t be in the wedding and I really won’t have much contact with him once he moves.

What should I do? How can I show him that what he is doing is not right and not fair to me? Is there a law somewhere that says he has to do this? My mom could have sued him for child support under the common law. But she didn’t. I wonder if I could sue for back child support. What should I do or say to him? I am so lost right now!

Thanx for listneing to me vent and if you have any adviceI would love to hear it! Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: lostlovelv
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 4:49pm

I am sorry to hear this.

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Avatar for katieiswaiting
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
In reply to: lostlovelv
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 5:34pm
Understanding and accepting your hurt and jealousy, it is easy to see why you are upset with your father. However, sadly, he's a big man now and makes his own decisions. If you want to continue to have any type of relationship with him, then you'll have to be cordial to him and his new wife.

I am a little confused as to why you can't afford car insurance but you can afford a trip to Austrailia.

Actually, you're very lucky that your mother isn't charging you rent...and I assume that includes board also? Meaning you don't have to pay rent, food, utilities, and all the other expenses involved in maintaining a home. Accepting that school is not cheap, have you considered working full-time and going to school in the evenings? The overseas program sounds exciting, but who is paying for it? And, if you were able to buy a car, then finances can't be too tight.

Sorry, if this sounds harsh, but such is the way it is in the real world.

Again, back to your dad...respect his wishes and be gracious, or you may lose him for good.

Katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: lostlovelv
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 3:20pm
All I can say is that life is not always fair, and welcome to the reality of the "real world". You are learning that you can not always depend on people, therefore, figure out a way to overcome this situation. Be strong and do not let this stop your progress.