Problems with DD & MIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
Problems with DD & MIL
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 8:30pm
All of sudden I feel like I can do anything right with my 3 dd's & my MIL. My 3 dd's are 25, 23 & soon to be 18. My middle DD is pregrant with her first child, who is due around Christmas time. I'm divorced from their dad, and have remarried 2 years ago next Monday. Now I know that none of the girls like my DH, and that is fine. They don't have to live with him, nor do they have to see us.

Today is the middle dd's so birthday, I invited them over for dinner yesterday. In my family (meaning my parents tradition)the matriarch in the family host the birthday dinner, and the birthday person picks the menu. C wants kabos. I spent all day long yesterday getting the house & dinner ready. I invited all 3 of dd's (the younger one still lives with us) the 2 older dd's came with just C. {younger one is fighting with the middle one so she & her bf went out for dinner} well, the kids weren't here even five minutes and the middle one becomes nasty with my DH, he had teased the girls about not stand with the fridge door open like they were at the gro store. So she gets all pissy, and it just got worse. She didn't like what I had fixed, she refused to eat, was rude to every one there. After dinner, she came out into the front room, and tells my sister & I "as I got you here, I don't want you {meaning me} in the delivery room, I just want C & me" I was oh ok, well then just call me when everything is over then. She started screaming at me about me throwing a fit {I didn't do that, I was very calm & quiet--I did not raise my voice at all}"I want you to be in the waiting room, not in the delivery room" Well I don't want to be in the waiting room, I will just stay at home, and you can call after the baby is born. Then she started calling both DH & I names. Telling us what we were doing in our business is illegal & she was going to turn us in. She became verbally abusive toward us. I told her to leave.

What we are doing in our business is not illegal, we are trying to follow the laws in the state we live in. We hired C to work for us, we didn't have to, but we like C, and he's a darn good worker. {and a saint to put up with her crazyness right now} When I came to work this afternoon, I let C know that he could tell dd, that if she ever came into my home again and was rude or disrespectful to either DH or I again. She is not to come back. I put up her dad being physcially & mentally & vebaly abusive for over 20+ years and I wasn't going to take it from her.

My MIL is something, she is doing just the same type of stuff to me that my DD is. But MIL is catty at it, and doesn't do it in front of DH. When I tell him that MIL has done it, he thinks I'm being nuts. I refuse to be alone with MIL anymore. MIL has started calling me names {lucky it was infront of BIL} so I have witnesses. And MIL thinks nothing of ordering us to drop whatever plans we have to come to her house. We had tickets to go see Washington State Cougars play their game against University of Idaho in Seattle, did I get to see the game--not at the stadium, no on her tv. DH has ordered me not to upset or make waves with MIL.

I'm tired of being the darn doormat. I don't need this kind of treatment from either of them. I have a heart condition, and it's not good for me to upset or stressed out. I am right to move out of state, but we just purchased our first house. So can't move.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 10:20am
He has "ordered" you not to make waves? I think it is time to make some waves. You don't have an MIL problem, you have a DH problem. The $20 question is, who is more important to him? Who is he married to? If he wants to kiss her bottom, let him, you don't have to. You dealt with your DD, (although you should have given the ultimatum to her directly rather than to C) you should deal with your MIL in a similar manner. There are plenty of ways of letting her know that you are the alpha female. You taught MIL that you are a doormat, its time to teach her differently.

The IL board on Parentsplace is a great place to visit for advice on MILs. The ladies there have seen it all.